Today I should be celebrating my 5th wedding anniversary. By the 5th year (wood anniversary), your marriage is seen as having strong foundations, it can withstand challenges and continue to grow over time. Like last year, I did the math today and with a week here and there of us traveling to each other, I think we hit the 9 month mark of being physically together out of those 5 years.

I keep thinking about the book The Midnight Library by Matt Haig and how it says that it’s easy to mourn the lives we didn’t live. The version of ourselves that moved to another city. Traveled more. Settled down earlier. Said “ I love you” when we had the chance (or didn’t).

I don’t know if it’s all the missed opportunities or the regrets that feel like a punishment. Like I’ve failed somehow. I don’t know if those other lives would have been better. Or just…different. The feeling of uncertainty is part of being human. I can’t change or undo our previous years together. Our marriage is happening. Now. Maybe we are not too late. Maybe all we have to do is show up for each other but that requires change.

If you are in a LDR it’s easy to imagine the version of life where you’re together every day – no screens, no countdowns, no miles. But I can’t forget that this version of my life – even with the distance – is real too.

So here is your gentle reminder for today:

• Be present with the love you have even if it looks different from what you imagine.

If you feel like sharing, I’d love to hear your story about that “alternate life” you are grieving or the beauty you’ve found in the one you are living now.

Drop a comment or send me a message. You’re not alone in this.