Part 2 – Part 1
Getting this message in Tumblr a few months ago opened my eyes. Made me think about how stuck I was and how long it was taking me to heal. Shortly after replying to it I started to get my things in order and prepared to take a trip on the road to letting go.
I updated my social accounts and thought about leaving my LDR journey behind, after all, it was over. But after thinking about it for the longest time I realized that even if I don’t believe, I still care.
Healing takes time and part of healing is letting go of the anger. When I realized that I had to let go of the anger, the bad memories and the pain, it allowed me to move forward on my healing journey and even give some space to forgiveness. I said to myself : Giby, it is what it is and maybe it’s not meant to be.
The road to letting go is a long and winding road… so what did I packed for my trip?
- Patience: I knew it was a long journey. Healing takes time, getting back on track takes time so you will need lots of patience to adjust to the changes and the ups and downs life will throw at you.
- Friends/family: everything is better with friends so why not take them with you? Having someone to support you is really important and will help you along the way.
- Entertainment: now that you have more time on your hands, why not invest it on you? Go out, pick up some hobbies or do more of your favorite things.
Things are different now. In the beginning of my journey I stumbled upon PUBG and it helped me to keep my mind off things. Incredibly, it also brought my ex and I closer again in terms of friendship.
One last thing you will realize while on the road of letting go: not everyone is meant to stay, so you will end up letting go of more people than you thought you would. I had to give up on people who were just taking space in my life without giving me the chance of having a space in theirs.
For the longest time had a crush on someone who didn’t know what he wanted or couldn’t decide how and if to go after it. I guess it happens. One of those people who keeps you at arm’s length for their convenience but when they feel you are slowly slipping away, says the right words to bring you closer again.
In the end, you can’t help but think about how much that hurts. Maybe because when we were “together” I always gave everything and after a while, he always ended up leaving.
Having any kind of relationship with him is like eating candy when you know you have a toothache: bad for you, but you can’t help it. When we do try, our efforts turn into a time bomb. The only thing is we can’t really see the timer, we are just waiting for it to explode damaging everything we built at ground zero… Like a never ending loop where it all starts and end at the same place over and over again.
How many times can you survive a nuclear blast? How many times does it has to end before you can move on and “crush” someplace else.
Most fairy tales start with a damsel in distress and the knight in shining armor that comes to her rescue. This isn’t one of those stories. This story starts with my Sis, a warrior princess and her valiant prince who were not afraid to fight the war for love.
Their story is one filled with sacrifices, lost internet connections, sleepless nights because of time difference and of course, the most difficult trial of all, distance. Armed with patience, courage and determination and using love as their most valuable weapon and shield, I am proud to say that my Sis and her prince conquered the first battle: Marriage.
You see, my sister, the warrior princess is from the US and her boyfriend, the valiant prince is from Pakistan. They met online and had a long distance relationship for several years. All their sacrifices finally paid off when they were able to get all the paperwork done to marry in a third country on April 9th. I won’t lie here. It took time, planning and lots of money. This isn’t a battle for the faint of heart or the faithless, but what I want to do is to give others a little idea – using their experiences as reference – so they can know what to expect and how to prepare.
This are some of the documents needed:
- Passport – valid passport issued by your country’s government certifying identity and nationality primarily for international travel.
- Birth Certificate – documents certain circumstances of a person’s birth such date, full name, place of birth, etc. Has to be recent.
- Single Status Affidavit – this is to certify that you are not married to another person.
- Divorce Decree – only if you were previously married and divorced. Recent certified copy of the original decree.
Keep in mind that these are only some of the documents required. The documents needed will depend mostly on the country you are getting married. Some countries will required your paperwork to be translated to some other language (English for example) and for them to be apostilled if the country is a member of the Hague Convention (Apostille Convention). That specific procedure allows your document to be certified for legal purposes internationally. Remember that there are other steps and fees that you may need to take/pay in the country. Always do your research by yourself or with the help of a professional, for example, a lawyer.
Those are key pieces of information that will help you in your journey for love, in your way to marriage and in the battle against distance. When we are in love we think we are an army of two. Sometimes it might even feel like it. Know you are not alone. There are others like my Sis who won the battle. Her story doesn’t end here. The warrior princess and her prince valiant are getting ready for their next battle together. Now they have to plan their next adventure and build their kingdom together. I can’t say “And they lived happily ever after”… at least not yet. But what I can say to you is this: The future may have many names… but for that person, the name is yours.
I keep re reading old conversations. It’s inevitable to laugh every time I read old messages. I find incredible that someone can remember details that would be so easy to forget. I laugh because there are events, things and people we never forget about. We keep making and accumulating so many memories throughout our lives; sometimes we forget some of them to make space for the new ones.
It’s beautiful to know that someone has chosen to keep the memories they have of me. That they didn’t simply forget about everything just to make space for something else or because of someone else. I guess in the end that’s what we become… someone else’s memories.
The way they light up your heart… someone comes along and they share a bit of a flame from their hearts or they always have some extra spark so your heart can shine too. That gives us warmth in place so cold like this one.
Pay attention to that person who gives you some of their fire, to that person who is always looking for the way to light up your way to love.
Maybe I can’t make you fall in love with me. I don’t think that you even want to fall in love. Feeling love is one of the things we deny ourselves most of the times…but maybe i can make you think about me on a normal day while you drink coffee and doodle in a napkin. Maybe you will throw it away but not without smiling first. Maybe I will never know about it. Maybe someday you call me and say in the most casual way “I thought about you today” and then I would know I’m making progress. I’m not asking for every day of the rest of your life but a minute in your heart.
I want you to think about me without needing a reason why…the same way I think about you and smile. Maybe someday life will surprise us with a “you know what? I love you” and with “I love you too”. That day you will know that not everything is lost, there are feelings that are always there inside our soul waiting for the person to make them come out (even for just a minute) from inside our hearts.
Today is very special because two people I love were born today. In my opinion, birthdays should be special because of two things: you arrived to this world on this day (years ago) and you have managed to stay here for one more year.
One of those persons is the other half of my LDR. Don’t you wish celebrating bdays were easier in LDRs? I sure do. I spent a few days thinking about all the things we would do if we were together but until now, we’ve never been together on a birthday (or any other holiday). I felt like ideas were not flowing inside my head on how to make this day a bit special because of the distance and because our relationship has gone through some major changes.
If your ideas seem to be MIA here are some of mine that came a little too late (or were impossible in the first place):
Plan ahead: if it’s possible to spend the day together physically then by all means do it. If it won’t be possible then make other plans or arrangements to make the other person feel special.
Virtual date: watch a movie, have the longest video call in the history of your relationship… whatever you do, do it online and do it together. Your S/O will appreciate the time and effort.
Snail mail: I have to admit that I’m a fan of snail mail. Love letters, cards, presents. Getting mail is one of the nicest feeling in the world and the person who sends it only makes the feeling extra special.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure it comes out of your love for that person. I was really upset because I didn’t know what to do or what to give and our schedules and timing have been horrible lately. Ahmad deserves the best and I keep thinking that maybe one day I will make up for all the bdays we couldn’t celebrate or all the gifts I couldn’t send or give, even after this convo.
Today is his special day and I don’t know if he knows it but I would give him the world if I could.