For the longest time had a crush on someone who didn’t know what he wanted or couldn’t decide how and if to go after it. I guess it happens. One of those people who keeps you at arm’s length for their convenience but when they feel you are slowly slipping away, says the right words to bring you closer again.
In the end, you can’t help but think about how much that hurts. Maybe because when we were “together” I always gave everything and after a while, he always ended up leaving.
Having any kind of relationship with him is like eating candy when you know you have a toothache: bad for you, but you can’t help it. When we do try, our efforts turn into a time bomb. The only thing is we can’t really see the timer, we are just waiting for it to explode damaging everything we built at ground zero… Like a never ending loop where it all starts and end at the same place over and over again.
How many times can you survive a nuclear blast? How many times does it has to end before you can move on and “crush” someplace else.
Most fairy tales start with a damsel in distress and the knight in shining armor that comes to her rescue. This isn’t one of those stories. This story starts with my Sis, a warrior princess and her valiant prince who were not afraid to fight the war for love.
Their story is one filled with sacrifices, lost internet connections, sleepless nights because of time difference and of course, the most difficult trial of all, distance. Armed with patience, courage and determination and using love as their most valuable weapon and shield, I am proud to say that my Sis and her prince conquered the first battle: Marriage.
You see, my sister, the warrior princess is from the US and her boyfriend, the valiant prince is from Pakistan. They met online and had a long distance relationship for several years. All their sacrifices finally paid off when they were able to get all the paperwork done to marry in a third country on April 9th. I won’t lie here. It took time, planning and lots of money. This isn’t a battle for the faint of heart or the faithless, but what I want to do is to give others a little idea – using their experiences as reference – so they can know what to expect and how to prepare.
This are some of the documents needed:
- Passport – valid passport issued by your country’s government certifying identity and nationality primarily for international travel.
- Birth Certificate – documents certain circumstances of a person’s birth such date, full name, place of birth, etc. Has to be recent.
- Single Status Affidavit – this is to certify that you are not married to another person.
- Divorce Decree – only if you were previously married and divorced. Recent certified copy of the original decree.
Keep in mind that these are only some of the documents required. The documents needed will depend mostly on the country you are getting married. Some countries will required your paperwork to be translated to some other language (English for example) and for them to be apostilled if the country is a member of the Hague Convention (Apostille Convention). That specific procedure allows your document to be certified for legal purposes internationally. Remember that there are other steps and fees that you may need to take/pay in the country. Always do your research by yourself or with the help of a professional, for example, a lawyer.
Those are key pieces of information that will help you in your journey for love, in your way to marriage and in the battle against distance. When we are in love we think we are an army of two. Sometimes it might even feel like it. Know you are not alone. There are others like my Sis who won the battle. Her story doesn’t end here. The warrior princess and her prince valiant are getting ready for their next battle together. Now they have to plan their next adventure and build their kingdom together. I can’t say “And they lived happily ever after”… at least not yet. But what I can say to you is this: The future may have many names… but for that person, the name is yours.
I keep re reading old conversations. It’s inevitable to laugh every time I read old messages. I find incredible that someone can remember details that would be so easy to forget. I laugh because there are events, things and people we never forget about. We keep making and accumulating so many memories throughout our lives; sometimes we forget some of them to make space for the new ones.
It’s beautiful to know that someone has chosen to keep the memories they have of me. That they didn’t simply forget about everything just to make space for something else or because of someone else. I guess in the end that’s what we become… someone else’s memories.
The way they light up your heart… someone comes along and they share a bit of a flame from their hearts or they always have some extra spark so your heart can shine too. That gives us warmth in place so cold like this one.
Pay attention to that person who gives you some of their fire, to that person who is always looking for the way to light up your way to love.
Maybe I can’t make you fall in love with me. I don’t think that you even want to fall in love. Feeling love is one of the things we deny ourselves most of the times…but maybe i can make you think about me on a normal day while you drink coffee and doodle in a napkin. Maybe you will throw it away but not without smiling first. Maybe I will never know about it. Maybe someday you call me and say in the most casual way “I thought about you today” and then I would know I’m making progress. I’m not asking for every day of the rest of your life but a minute in your heart.
I want you to think about me without needing a reason why…the same way I think about you and smile. Maybe someday life will surprise us with a “you know what? I love you” and with “I love you too”. That day you will know that not everything is lost, there are feelings that are always there inside our soul waiting for the person to make them come out (even for just a minute) from inside our hearts.
Today is very special because two people I love were born today. In my opinion, birthdays should be special because of two things: you arrived to this world on this day (years ago) and you have managed to stay here for one more year.
One of those persons is the other half of my LDR. Don’t you wish celebrating bdays were easier in LDRs? I sure do. I spent a few days thinking about all the things we would do if we were together but until now, we’ve never been together on a birthday (or any other holiday). I felt like ideas were not flowing inside my head on how to make this day a bit special because of the distance and because our relationship has gone through some major changes.
If your ideas seem to be MIA here are some of mine that came a little too late (or were impossible in the first place):
Plan ahead: if it’s possible to spend the day together physically then by all means do it. If it won’t be possible then make other plans or arrangements to make the other person feel special.
Virtual date: watch a movie, have the longest video call in the history of your relationship… whatever you do, do it online and do it together. Your S/O will appreciate the time and effort.
Snail mail: I have to admit that I’m a fan of snail mail. Love letters, cards, presents. Getting mail is one of the nicest feeling in the world and the person who sends it only makes the feeling extra special.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure it comes out of your love for that person. I was really upset because I didn’t know what to do or what to give and our schedules and timing have been horrible lately. Ahmad deserves the best and I keep thinking that maybe one day I will make up for all the bdays we couldn’t celebrate or all the gifts I couldn’t send or give, even after this convo.
Today is his special day and I don’t know if he knows it but I would give him the world if I could.
I’m sorry you know. I’m sorry that we have grown apart. I’m sorry that we don’t have that closeness we used to have. It’s sad like you said. It hurts. Right now we are very far from each other and not only in miles. Idk what happened. I don’t know when it happened. Our lives are very distant from the other. I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe it’s what happens after so much time when everyone is going on with their lives. Our lives. Our work. Our time difference. Our differences. All the things we used to fight against are finally overcoming our efforts. It’s sad to see the other lose focus, to see the other not putting in the effort they used to. It’s sad when the “I love you” and the “I miss you” seem to be said to make up for lost time, lost conversations, to fill up the empty space. We feel it yes, but we fail to show their meaning. Maybe we got used to each other. Used to the other being there. Used to being in a relationship. I don’t see the spark we had back when we used to talk about our future. Now all I see is us waiting to see what happens. I can’t say I like it. I can’t say it feels ok but honestly, I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to get back all that is missing. It’s sad not knowing. It’s sad having to ask myself if you want this enough because I don’t see it. It’s even more sad to think that maybe the same thought goes around in your mind. What about all that we talked when we made the decision of canceling the trip? Where are all the promises we made? Now they seem lost in a sea of text messages… just like our relationship. It’s painful to see love dying little by little every day. But if we wait til the end there won’t be a love to fight for, there won’t be a love to save. All we will have left is the love we killed and the relationship we will bury and forget about it with time. I didn’t want this to be just a few chapters in an unfinished book because we decided to stop writing the story we had together. If only I could turn back time…