Confessions of a LDR gf

The next series of posts are titled Confessions of a LDR gf for a reason. Their purpose is to say or “confess” what every person in a ldr wished his s/o knew, but we are too afraid to point it out directly to our partners. We don’t want them to feel like they are failing. What we want to do is to remind them (and ourselves in the process) that we can build better, stronger relationships. Yes, thou it’s mostly us on the scene, I can’t leave out of the picture the true fact that there are guys out there fighting for another day to keep their LDR’s alive. Guys we salute you 😉 👍.

To start off I don’t want to demean or discourage anyone’s efforts, or way of handling their relationships. No offense intended on my part, but I do wish to open up and speak in the name of many struggling with the issues I’ll address today.

Nowadays in LDR’s we tend to pour out our hearts in actions, words, efforts and as in many cases we even give away a part of our lives we’ll never get back, and that part is our time so willingly and lovingly invested.

Not that we complain about it, we struggle, adjust and overcome it because of different time zones, circumstances and even cultural differences. Yet something comes to my heart and it troubles me at all times. I for example am a very emotional person, I feel everything I do has to be weighed before set out there for the world to see but that’s just me, I know for a fact each one of us handles this special kind of relationship as a delicate one because not everyone is made to withstand distance, or the type of relationship many will question.

My heartfelt attention is the tremendous weight of efforts made on our part that go unnoticed by our sentimental partners, or as we call them S/O. 

  • We plan our whole lives around our relationships so we can be available to call, text and video keeping in mind time differences and sometimes even sacrificing our social lives while theirs remain intact. 
  • Our endless tries as in posting, writing, idealizing, recreating and as I mentioned before giving so much life to our relationships that we end up drained in the midst of it all and without motivation as well, because of their lack of empathy, and contribution towards us.
  • We get inspired with a song, a thought, a feeling, and we wish to share that with our beloved but many times we barely get a response or any reaction from their part.  

Instead of getting our S/O attention, we end up showered and encouraged by others who know us well, and even dare to try out as suitors for our hearts. But do we give in to those suitors? Of course not!! We’re only into the object of our affection. If not, we’d be seeking the attention offered when others seem to know what we like, what we don’t, when something goes wrong and can tune in to our emotions. 

 Not many understand our devotion surpasses all of these things. In fact we have our ups and downs as those in a normal standard relationship, except we guard it with a not so invisible  shield of undivided attention. We continue to hope our feelings are felt, understood, delivered and reciprocated.
We can even compare it to an app used on a daily basis: we go to it, we text, we send, all in hopes it will be seen and replied to. Still seconds become hours in our hearts and when not understood we become wounded, and in some cases we hold our feelings back in avoidance of “confrontation mode” as I call it.

Our hearts are visited as a place of invisible encounters and rare meetings. Because we then begin to build a force field that repels any advances intending to break it down…but reality is we’re only trying to salvage any remains left of our soul’s feelings.

To read more about long distance relationships don’t forget to follow Dua e Maryam at Voice of a Broken Heart

Dear LDR Diary: The Secrets We Keep

A secret is something we don’t want others to know. Something we decided it was best to be kept hidden. Sometimes that something is our relationship. Those who decide to keep their relationship a secret will give you a hundred reasons why they have to. Fears, family, religion, culture… they all play a role in that decision. 

I am one of those persons. I kept certain details of my LDR secret for some time because of a few reasons. I was (still am) afraid of people judging on my kind of relationship. My bf had his reasons too so we decided it was for the best…even when there are times I wish it was just like a normal one.

Last week. I keep a picture of my bf on a shelf in my cubicle at work (the why is a story for another day). I was working on a case and this old couple looks at the picture and one of them says “it’s so nice that you have a picture of your husband here, he is very handsome”. Before I could say he wasn’t my husband, a coworker adds “she is very in love with her husband”. After the couple left my coworker walks to my desk, looks at the picture and says “remember when I asked and you told me he was your adopted son? I always thought he looked too old to be adopted”. We both laughed and I told her I was sorry, but people wouldn’t understand. 

That’s when I remembered that a few months ago I went to Macy’s with my mom and like she always does, we stopped at one of the perfume counters. She saw the Dubai edition of one of the perfumes and joked about how that perfume was “arab like your bf”. Of course that caught the attention of the saleswoman who couldn’t help asking about it. 

A few months ago. The saleswoman walked over to us smiling but I could notice how her face was changing during the conversation. What follows is what I remember about the conversation at Macy’s between all 3 of us because my mom is less worried about people judging and keeping secrets:


Now? Every time something like this happens I lose a little bit of confidence. While there are times I tell myself that I would like to be able to tell everyone…there are still things that scare me (and my bf). We still struggle with those fears, family, friends, differences in culture… But when it is wise and safe to risk it? Is it worth it? Would we regret it? While it is true that we should always be proud of the person we are with, and we are, we are still afraid of the backlash we might receive. 

I Remember Everything

It has been more than a month since I posted something in my blog. Writing has always been a way to deal with feelings and say what I never had the courage to say to anyone, but I was afraid to admit that at this point in time, my relationship wasn’t where I expected it to be. 

I fell in love more than 3 yrs ago and that love grows with each passing day even when I know that people and feelings change over time. I like to think that the world is constantly moving so my love and my relationship move forward. 

Change is inevitable. We don’t always like it, we may not accept it but we certainly can’t stop it. It doesn’t have to be bad, but it may not be the change we wanted or expected and that was precisely my case. 

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I kept playing in my mind some of my favorite memories of when I was falling in love (I didn’t know I was) and couldn’t help to think about the amazing man I fell in love with and all the small details that made me stay with him all this time. 

I remember we used to talk every chance we had and to this day, we still do. We weren’t all that open with each other at first. It was really hard to get him to open up but once I could convince him to talk about his feelings, he would say the most romantic things. It’s funny because he was the romantic one, always sending me cute messages and stickers. He was the one who convinced me that it was safe to be myself with him and that I could tear my defenses down after I had build up walls to keep everyone out and my romantic side in. 

Our relationship has always been kind of a secret and even though I have fought for him to be more open about it, it’s still a work in progress. Because of that, we weren’t that open in social media but that didn’t mean we didn’t share things with each other. I used to mark every post that was for him and he used to look out for every single one of them. He used to pay so much attention to detail. He had all of my accounts and he would go through all of them, making sure I saw that he was paying attention. It felt great knowing someone care about all the things that other people found common. He celebrated every detail. So in showing my love I felt loved in return. 

As time went by our relationship became more open and I felt more confident in talking about my long distance relationship when people seemed rather skeptical about them. I talked to my parents about him, to my brother, introduced him to my son (Wow! This was big) and gave him a place in my family even though I’ve never had a place in his. By then, he had convinced me that we were actually a family. For someone who never knows what to say, he made sure he always had the right words to make me feel good, happy, to calm me down and even to convince me that I had to marry him. He made sure I knew that every single day. 

No wonder I always thought I had the perfect relationship and the perfect boyfriend and I made sure everyone knew when they asked who was the handsome man in the picture I had in my desk. I still smile every time people notice that the picture is gone… like I said, everything changes… but I remember everything.