Tag / memories

by Gibran Cruz

I Am that I Am (Erin’s Monologue)

“Myself. My self.

That’s the problem. That’s the whole problem with the whole thing. That word, “self.” Thats not the word. That’s not right, that isn’t…How did I forget that? When did I forget that?

The body stops a cell at a time, but the brain keeps firing those neurons.

Little lightning bolts, like fireworks inside and I thought I’d despair or feel afraid, but I don’t feel any of that. None of it. Because I’m too busy. I’m too busy in the moment. Remembering. Of course. I remember that every atom in my body was forged in a star.

This matter, this body is mostly empty space after all, and solid matter? It’s just energy vibrating very slowly why there is no me. There never was.

The electrons of my body mingle and dance with the electrons of the ground below me and the air I’m no longer breathing. And I remember there is no point where any of that ends and I begin. I remember I am energy. Not memory. Not self. My name, my personality, my choices, all came after me.

I was before them and I will be after, and everything else is pictures, picked up along the way. Fleeting little dreamlets printed on the tissue of my dying brain.

And I am the lightning that jumps between. I am the energy firing the neurons, and I’m returning. Just by remembering, I’m returning home.

And it’s like a drop of water falling back into the ocean, of which it’s always been a part. All things… a part. You, me and my little girl, and my mother and my father, everyone’s who’s ever been, every plant, every animal, every atom, every start, every galaxy, all of it. More galaxies in the universe than grains of sand on the beach.

And that’s what we’re talking about when we say “God.”

The cosmos and its infinite dreams. We are the cosmos dreaming of itself. It’s simply a dream that I think is my life, every time. But I’ll forget this. I always do. I always forget my dreams.

But now, in this split-second, in the moment I remember, the instant I remember, I comprehend everything at once.

There is no time. There is no death. Life is a dream. It’s a wish. Made again and again and again and again and again and again and on into eternity. And I am all of it.

I am everything. I am all. I am that I am.”

by Gibran Cruz

365 Days Of LOVE

When we met, I didn’t expect life to lead us here. I’m happy to walk hand in hand with you into this magical adventure we call life. A year ago we decided to spend the rest of our lives together when we said the words “I Do”. Our love was always written in the stars and today I can say without any doubt that in any world, in every life, across the Universe I’d choose YOU. It will always be you.

My three wishes today: A lifetime of memories by your side. That our love keeps growing even while apart. That the life we’re building together takes new meaning with each new plan.

Let’s keep writing our happily ever after…. Happy Anniversary My Love. One year down, forever to go.

by Gibran Cruz

Love Is Not Tourism

Love Is Not Tourism is a global movement dedicated to raise awareness about long distance relationship couples and families separated by travel bans/border closures during the Covid-19 pandemic. Some couples had to wait for a long time before they were allowed to travel and reunite with their loved ones. As of today, some of them are still waiting.

Ahmed and I had to wait because we married during strict measures. But 2021 came full of hope for us so we would like to share some of it…

You can visit their website Love Is Not Tourism If you would like to share your success story or feel inspired by others, then you should check out The Love Visa.

by Gibran Cruz

Look What I’ve Got!

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Got the most beautiful gift today. When I saw it my heart skipped a bit and I couldn’t help but to fall in love with every little detail about it; from the names to the little drawings… every little detail there spells love.

Thank You Marly for such a wonderful gift. We are both very happy and you can be sure that it will be one of many beautiful things that will last forever. Thanks for the memories.

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by Gibran Cruz

Messages & Memories

I keep re reading old conversations. It’s inevitable to laugh every time I read old messages. I find incredible that someone can remember details that would be so easy to forget. I laugh because there are events, things and people we never forget about. We keep making and accumulating so many memories throughout our lives; sometimes we forget some of them to make space for the new ones.

It’s beautiful to know that someone has chosen to keep the memories they have of me. That they didn’t simply forget about everything just to make space for something else or because of someone else. I guess in the end that’s what we become… someone else’s memories.

by Gibran Cruz

I Remember Everything

It has been more than a month since I posted something in my blog. Writing has always been a way to deal with feelings and say what I never had the courage to say to anyone, but I was afraid to admit that at this point in time, my relationship wasn’t where I expected it to be. 

I fell in love more than 3 yrs ago and that love grows with each passing day even when I know that people and feelings change over time. I like to think that the world is constantly moving so my love and my relationship move forward. 

Change is inevitable. We don’t always like it, we may not accept it but we certainly can’t stop it. It doesn’t have to be bad, but it may not be the change we wanted or expected and that was precisely my case. 

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately and I kept playing in my mind some of my favorite memories of when I was falling in love (I didn’t know I was) and couldn’t help to think about the amazing man I fell in love with and all the small details that made me stay with him all this time. 

I remember we used to talk every chance we had and to this day, we still do. We weren’t all that open with each other at first. It was really hard to get him to open up but once I could convince him to talk about his feelings, he would say the most romantic things. It’s funny because he was the romantic one, always sending me cute messages and stickers. He was the one who convinced me that it was safe to be myself with him and that I could tear my defenses down after I had build up walls to keep everyone out and my romantic side in. 

Our relationship has always been kind of a secret and even though I have fought for him to be more open about it, it’s still a work in progress. Because of that, we weren’t that open in social media but that didn’t mean we didn’t share things with each other. I used to mark every post that was for him and he used to look out for every single one of them. He used to pay so much attention to detail. He had all of my accounts and he would go through all of them, making sure I saw that he was paying attention. It felt great knowing someone care about all the things that other people found common. He celebrated every detail. So in showing my love I felt loved in return. 

As time went by our relationship became more open and I felt more confident in talking about my long distance relationship when people seemed rather skeptical about them. I talked to my parents about him, to my brother, introduced him to my son (Wow! This was big) and gave him a place in my family even though I’ve never had a place in his. By then, he had convinced me that we were actually a family. For someone who never knows what to say, he made sure he always had the right words to make me feel good, happy, to calm me down and even to convince me that I had to marry him. He made sure I knew that every single day. 

No wonder I always thought I had the perfect relationship and the perfect boyfriend and I made sure everyone knew when they asked who was the handsome man in the picture I had in my desk. I still smile every time people notice that the picture is gone… like I said, everything changes… but I remember everything.