Dear LDR Diary: The Secrets We Keep

A secret is something we don’t want others to know. Something we decided it was best to be kept hidden. Sometimes that something is our relationship. Those who decide to keep their relationship a secret will give you a hundred reasons why they have to. Fears, family, religion, culture… they all play a role in that decision. 

I am one of those persons. I kept certain details of my LDR secret for some time because of a few reasons. I was (still am) afraid of people judging on my kind of relationship. My bf had his reasons too so we decided it was for the best…even when there are times I wish it was just like a normal one.

Last week. I keep a picture of my bf on a shelf in my cubicle at work (the why is a story for another day). I was working on a case and this old couple looks at the picture and one of them says “it’s so nice that you have a picture of your husband here, he is very handsome”. Before I could say he wasn’t my husband, a coworker adds “she is very in love with her husband”. After the couple left my coworker walks to my desk, looks at the picture and says “remember when I asked and you told me he was your adopted son? I always thought he looked too old to be adopted”. We both laughed and I told her I was sorry, but people wouldn’t understand. 

That’s when I remembered that a few months ago I went to Macy’s with my mom and like she always does, we stopped at one of the perfume counters. She saw the Dubai edition of one of the perfumes and joked about how that perfume was “arab like your bf”. Of course that caught the attention of the saleswoman who couldn’t help asking about it. 

A few months ago. The saleswoman walked over to us smiling but I could notice how her face was changing during the conversation. What follows is what I remember about the conversation at Macy’s between all 3 of us because my mom is less worried about people judging and keeping secrets:


Now? Every time something like this happens I lose a little bit of confidence. While there are times I tell myself that I would like to be able to tell everyone…there are still things that scare me (and my bf). We still struggle with those fears, family, friends, differences in culture… But when it is wise and safe to risk it? Is it worth it? Would we regret it? While it is true that we should always be proud of the person we are with, and we are, we are still afraid of the backlash we might receive. 

He loves me. He loves me not. 

He loves me. He loves me not. Those were the words we used to say while plucking the petals out of a flower hoping that the last one would mean that he/she loved us. If they didn’t all we had to do was take another flower and start all over again. Having a crush or “falling in love” was so simple when we were kids. 

We are not kids anymore. Having a crush or falling in love means we “put ourselves out there”. We take a chance, were risk it all by letting our feelings flow… But what happens when that love is not corresponded? 

A bit of insight on a delicate topic called one-sided love:
We’ve all been there once or twice in our lives, and the best way to describe the feeling about this particular kind of love is that we all wish they’d love us back the same way. But it doesn’t go that way. We struggle, fight, stress inmensely, we hurt, get angry, jealous, hopeless and needless to say suffer in silence over that special person. We go thru leaps of faith, post, write things that they’ll never read, that they’ll never know, yet our feelings never whither for them. 

One thing about one-sided love is that you endure the most purest of all loves, because face it if you really love them their happiness is yours as well. Even when we have to face the facts that they’re bound to not end up with you on our side of that sweet love story. 

Still we can’t give up on the object of our affection so easily:

It sounds difficult to process but they’re oblivious and clueless to our devotion and that makes our mission an even more impossible one to complete because we dream they’ll wake up to love us and see stars over us as we do over them.

Bearing our hearts has never been an easy task but our neverending tries go further and beyond words or actions. Our hearts speak so desperately for us as the tears we shed over the simple thought of them.

What can we possibly do?

Actually not much, it’s like a crush when our S/O is totally off course from our heart’s desire, yet there’s love anchored in it for them. They’re either blind or in some cases already know but choose to ignore leaving some of us in constant pain because you’ve either become ignored or friendzoned.

Being friendzoned is one of the most painful phases we all endure. You’re always available to their needs, be it a shoulder, or anthing they wish you to be, you’re always their shelter, their refuge, but once their need of you is over it’s back to square one…only you are in your hearts company.

In the end, love is all about the choices we make and the chances we take. A famous writer said “To love is great. To be loved is wonderful. But to be loved by the person we love is heaven on earth” – Paulo Coelho.

        

Writen by: Gibran Cruz & Dua E Maryam