Tag / love

by Gibran Cruz

Little Box Of Horrors

There is a box hidden inside the darkest corners of my mind. It keeps safe what we have, keeps our relationship from breaking apart. You see what I most fear is that time will change what we feel. So I go there once in while to put all my bad thoughts inside. Stored away in that dark space is the doubt that I have. When the trust tries to go away I lock those thoughts inside that place. Jealousy and anger are there too all part of a time bomb I’m scared it could explode soon. Now as I watch from afar with a glass of wine in my hand as the only witness to my crimes…trying to keep my insecurities locked inside so my relationship can last. A final toast to everything inside…

For all the things you didn’t see. The messages and text you won’t get but I wrote them anyway, they got deleted before I could push send. All the things we won’t share; the thoughts, the words, calls, dates, special days. I’m still wondering if you would care.
All the things you forgot, all the promises you broke. The written pages, quotes collected, Pinterest boards created but you didn’t get them. The social apps we couldn’t share, always an excuse to hide them somewhere.
Chances missed, opportunities not taken. Pictures never shown of things and places; a world we could’ve shared but we missed it. All we could learn or teach the other. Now I wonder why you never took the time for it.
The distance felt kept getting bigger. I was giving up on what I was feeling, trying to keep it away and hidden because I am afraid of all of it fading.
For all the times we tried. I learned the drill: fight, argue, forgive and try, try, try. All the times I cried because I couldn’t say I wasn’t alright.
For the times I felt neglected. The secrets, the questions, the plans forgotten forever.
I will drink to that and more to come, because I decided to put it all in The Box.

Now that all is done I will leave a note on top of the box. It will serve as a reminder for next time I’m here, to decide if it’s worth it to hide my fears. Remember this was me trying to make this work while wondering what you felt.. “SHE OFFERED YOU THE WORLD AND YOU CHOSED TO SAVE IT INSTEAD”.

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To read more about Fears  in LDRs and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

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by Gibran Cruz

A Place For Us…

I have a safe house. He built it for me. Is the place I go when all seems to be wrong. It’s filled with all the things that makes me feel safe and happy again. It’s a two story house, sky blue with cream details. It has a beautiful garden with flowers and vegetables; he takes care of it, he is better at it than me. My house is in a clearing surrounded by soft grass and has  a lake beside it. Sometimes we do picnics outside in the grass…when I feel better.

It is beautiful inside. Big spaces so I can spend the time walking inside. A nice kitchen where i like to bake and look outside the window while i wait because I can see Him working on my garden. I know He is just waiting for me. No matter how angry or sad I am, He always does, never leaves me alone. There are just a few things inside the house. We are not supposed to be there for long. We have to work things out fast, you see, because emotions tend to build up. You don’t want bad ones taking the place of LOVE. House is decorated with memories. Good ones. That jar filled with sand, seashells and stones? I remember that trip to the beach…We laughed so much.

When I’m tired I go up the stairs. I’m looking at all the pictures on my way up. We are so happy in all of them. You put them there to remind us of how good we are together. So in Love. Family trips, you looking hot in that shirt I gave you. I remember when I bought it for you. I love the one where you are sleeping, you look like a kid on that one! This room is so big…light cream with a touch of peaceful blue. You chose the colors. most of it is empty. I’m not supposed to sleep here more than a day. I love to look out the window, you are always there. You smile, I wave, you walk away. Where are you? I always cry when I’m here. Later I  feel better after I’ve seen our memories, the ones we made together. Keyword…TOGETHER. After a while I always get this feeling like there is someone there…Then I feel your arms around me, a soft kiss. I hear the words “I Love You, lets talk”’…We go to bed. I know we wont sleep. We are never here more than a day…

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