Tag / love

by Gibran Cruz

Who Hit Pause?

It took me a month to think about my relationship and all the changes it went through in the year 2015. I started my LDR in November 2013 but it wasn’t until 2015  that it evolved into something I was really proud of. It took us over a year to gain a level of confidence in our relationship where we could feel like we were building something solid and lasting not only in our eyes but in the eyes of people around us.

When you are in a LDR you want your relationship to feel like a “normal relationship” even though you are dealing with distance, time difference, cultural differences, different beliefs, the opinion of family and friends and all the rest that the world wants to throw at you (I’ve dealt with all of it). The year 2015 was the year when we achieved a level or normalcy that made us open up about our feelings to people outside our circle of trust. I remember calling Ahmad my friend and hearing my mom in the background say “boyfriend! her boyfriend!”. Sounds funny but I became a master liar when it came to my relationship. It all changed last year. You can imagine me in the supermarket when my mom mentions casually “your bf…” (insert something LDR related) then someone that knows me would ask “where is he from?” I would freak out and out of nowhere my mom would reply “oh he is from Egypt!” and she would start talking about him. Took me all that time to be ready for the weird looks of other people at the mention of it. That cute picture I have of him at work? Don’t ask me how many of my clients/cases thinks that’s my adopted son (yeah he looks young enough and they are mostly old blind ladies).

It all felt better last year when we started sharing our relationship with more people. we started leaving each other cute messages on social media and even leaving comments with hearts and all for everyone to see. Of course with great changes comes great responsibility. It was the year when I got all the avalanche of questions, including the reasons why I had joined the LDRBN site and I decided it was time to step up to the plate and be proud of what we had built together.

I can truly say that 2015 was a great year for us and our relationship. It was the year he left for Army, marking the beginning of the last step in our journey to close the distance. I said before that it took me a whole month to do a review of 2015, it’s because after  all the changes when I compared it to my relationship now after he went to Army, I can’t help but to ask myself  who hit the pause button?

 

LDRBN_Logo_2015_Retina_Border

To read more about 2015 in a LDR and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

.

by Gibran Cruz

Little Box Of Horrors

There is a box hidden inside the darkest corners of my mind. It keeps safe what we have, keeps our relationship from breaking apart. You see what I most fear is that time will change what we feel. So I go there once in while to put all my bad thoughts inside. Stored away in that dark space is the doubt that I have. When the trust tries to go away I lock those thoughts inside that place. Jealousy and anger are there too all part of a time bomb I’m scared it could explode soon. Now as I watch from afar with a glass of wine in my hand as the only witness to my crimes…trying to keep my insecurities locked inside so my relationship can last. A final toast to everything inside…

For all the things you didn’t see. The messages and text you won’t get but I wrote them anyway, they got deleted before I could push send. All the things we won’t share; the thoughts, the words, calls, dates, special days. I’m still wondering if you would care.
All the things you forgot, all the promises you broke. The written pages, quotes collected, Pinterest boards created but you didn’t get them. The social apps we couldn’t share, always an excuse to hide them somewhere.
Chances missed, opportunities not taken. Pictures never shown of things and places; a world we could’ve shared but we missed it. All we could learn or teach the other. Now I wonder why you never took the time for it.
The distance felt kept getting bigger. I was giving up on what I was feeling, trying to keep it away and hidden because I am afraid of all of it fading.
For all the times we tried. I learned the drill: fight, argue, forgive and try, try, try. All the times I cried because I couldn’t say I wasn’t alright.
For the times I felt neglected. The secrets, the questions, the plans forgotten forever.
I will drink to that and more to come, because I decided to put it all in The Box.

Now that all is done I will leave a note on top of the box. It will serve as a reminder for next time I’m here, to decide if it’s worth it to hide my fears. Remember this was me trying to make this work while wondering what you felt.. “SHE OFFERED YOU THE WORLD AND YOU CHOSED TO SAVE IT INSTEAD”.

LDRBN_Logo_2015_Retina_Border

To read more about Fears  in LDRs and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

.

by Gibran Cruz

A Place For Us…

I have a safe house. He built it for me. Is the place I go when all seems to be wrong. It’s filled with all the things that makes me feel safe and happy again. It’s a two story house, sky blue with cream details. It has a beautiful garden with flowers and vegetables; he takes care of it, he is better at it than me. My house is in a clearing surrounded by soft grass and has  a lake beside it. Sometimes we do picnics outside in the grass…when I feel better.

It is beautiful inside. Big spaces so I can spend the time walking inside. A nice kitchen where i like to bake and look outside the window while i wait because I can see Him working on my garden. I know He is just waiting for me. No matter how angry or sad I am, He always does, never leaves me alone. There are just a few things inside the house. We are not supposed to be there for long. We have to work things out fast, you see, because emotions tend to build up. You don’t want bad ones taking the place of LOVE. House is decorated with memories. Good ones. That jar filled with sand, seashells and stones? I remember that trip to the beach…We laughed so much.

When I’m tired I go up the stairs. I’m looking at all the pictures on my way up. We are so happy in all of them. You put them there to remind us of how good we are together. So in Love. Family trips, you looking hot in that shirt I gave you. I remember when I bought it for you. I love the one where you are sleeping, you look like a kid on that one! This room is so big…light cream with a touch of peaceful blue. You chose the colors. most of it is empty. I’m not supposed to sleep here more than a day. I love to look out the window, you are always there. You smile, I wave, you walk away. Where are you? I always cry when I’m here. Later I  feel better after I’ve seen our memories, the ones we made together. Keyword…TOGETHER. After a while I always get this feeling like there is someone there…Then I feel your arms around me, a soft kiss. I hear the words “I Love You, lets talk”’…We go to bed. I know we wont sleep. We are never here more than a day…

gibypea3