I’ve been in a Long Distance Relationship for over 2 years now and still there are days where I wish someone would’ve handed me a map at the beginning of it (or maybe just a Magic 8 ball ). When you finally decide to give it a try, it’s when you realize you are already there (yikes!). The good news is that the ones traveling that road -myself included- will always leave some directions in every turn for the ones deciding to take the same route. As the Grand Master Yoda said: Do. Or Do Not. There Is No Try.
Here are some notes left for the ones standing in the middle of the road:
- Make a decision. There is no “trying to see if it works”, no 50/50. If you decide to be in a LDR you have to give 100%.
- Remember you were friends before you were a couple and if you weren’t, build a good solid friendship so you can feel comfortable with one another.
- Get to know everything you can about the other person. You are not together physically so you rely on sharing to better know each other. Learn from one another in terms of language, culture, traditions. There is always something new to experience.
- Involve friends and family when you can. You want to treat your LDR as a normal relationship and support may be needed.
- Communication is the key (or one of them). There will be a lot of talking, texting, messaging and sharing in every social app/messenger you guys have. Learn to talk and listen and keep in mind you can’t actually read intonation from a text message.
- There will be arguments. A lot. Don’t let emotions cloud your judgement and don’t make decisions when angry. Calm down, talk, understand and resolve your issues.
- Knowing what you want is half the battle. If you want it to work, make it work. Make time for dates, calls, video calls…anything that can make you feel closer. There are lots of ideas to keep your LDR fun. Browse the internet or make your own. Each couple is different.
I’m sure there are a million advice for everyone that decides to embark on the adventure that is a LDR. It wouldn’t be an adventure if we knew everything that was going to happen along the way. We have to enjoy the ride while we arrive at our destination. With that said, the last thing to do is to remind you (and myself):The paths less travel by are for the bold so Don’t Quit. Live, Love, Plan your future together. You want your LDR to be a real love story and not some fairy tale written in social apps. Just don’t forget to leave some notes along your road.
To read more about Pre-LDR Advice and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name Gibran.
This month I’m praying for the luck of the Irish so I can accomplish my goals. Each month our friends at LDRBN ask us to share 3 goals. I’m proud to say that I accomplished 2 of my February goals:
- Save 1/4 of the money I need for my passport
- Write about a specific topic
Two out of three ain’t bad huh? This month My Monthly 3 are:
- Go on a hunt for a new school: I have to decide if it would be wise to transfer my son to another school.
- Finish the book I’m reading: I abandoned the second of a series of 6 books. What’s wrong with me?
- Bake: I need to raise some money if I want to transfer my son to another school and there is no better way to do it than to bake or make some desserts.
Last but not least…Relationship Goal:
- Learn and Practice Arabic: I only know some basic things and terms of endearment and Ahmad asked me to learn to read it (he will teach me). I’m going to learn a thing or two on my own and practice before we start.
Maybe this month I will find my Lucky Charm…
When it comes to Long Distance Relationships (and everything else in life) everyone has some advice to give. Some of it will even come from people who hasn’t been in a LDR before. We do understand that they do it out of the goodness of their hearts but that doesn’t mean you have to follow through with it. For that reason we should listen and pay attention to what friends or family have to say but we have to choose wisely in terms of what we think it’s the best for us and our relationship.
When I started my relationship, one of the best advice I received was from my best friend at the moment. The funny thing is that he gave it to me to actually discourage me of pursuing a relationship with my now boyfriend. His words still echo inside my mind: The heart doesn’t know about distance. He said the words in order for me to give up, because once I fell in love, we would want to fight for it because after all it wasn’t impossible; there are planes and ways to make it work. With that said, you thought I was going to give up? He just said it was possible! Turns out his reasons were very personal and he was just trying to save me from heartache but his words gave me the push I needed to jump on board the LDR Express.
Because we know that sharing our sadness or talking about what makes us feel down actually makes us feel better, that is the time when we get the most advice from our best friends, close friends and even relatives (everyone you share with will give you the magic solution according to them). That’s exactly when my friend Sean gave me the best advice of all: do something to get the fucking guy. Short like a greeting card but as powerful as a nuclear blast.
His words were and still are the reason why even at my lowest I keep going forward. I do want to get the guy. Every day I work hard on keeping my relationship because I have to do something to get the guy.
In the end, everyone will have something to say. It is our right to choose what we think it’s best for us because we are the ones living with the choices we make day after day. Remember to listen carefully and choose wisely.
To read more about LDR Advice and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name Gibran.
If you ask me if I blog, I would answer that I have a blog. If you ask me if I am a blogger, my answer would probably be something like I don’t think so. I started writing when I was 3 years old and I haven’t stopped ever since. I needed a way to let out everything I had in my mind before my mind exploded in a million words that I had no idea how to express. I had to write everything because that is the way I learn. I still have notebooks filled with hundreds of quotes from songs, movies, people…things my mind thought were worthy of keeping like a treasure.
I didn’t changed my notebooks and pens for a blog. I didn’t even knew what a blog was until Ahmad asked me to open a Tumblr account so I could see the pictures he took. After I did it was like a light bulb suddenly turned on. What if I could store all the things that came to mind in a blog instead of having to keep a million pieces of papers without misplacing them? (something I always managed to do, misplaced all of them). I started with a thing or two. My blog became like my own private digital notebook. I was the happiest woman alive. Blogging became my outlet. I didn’t need followers, I didn’t need people to read or like or re-blog… I just needed to say what was on my mind, what I felt and couldn’t say in words for someone else to hear.
How did all that changed? My LDR became too difficult for me to manage. Writing long letter like messages to Ahmad wasn’t enough. Answering every question I got in my social accounts about relationships, writing letters filled with romantic things for other people to use on special occasions or making up things for them to say in situations suddenly wasn’t enough. I was about to explode because I’m not very good at managing my feelings. And then it hit me! I had a blog!
Joining LDRBN was the best thing that could happen to me. I directed my efforts towards long distance relationships because that was what I needed. I needed to believe that what I was (I am) fighting for is possible.Blogging has helped me manage all the feelings that I kept hidden inside because I couldn’t say them; for some reason I can write about them. It has enable me to reach more people than I did before. The best feeling is when someone tells you that because of something you wrote, they aren’t afraid anymore to be in a LDR. By writing about something so simple yet complicated like a long distance relationship (MY LDR) not only can people be inspired…It continues to inspire me to fight for what I believe in and the person I believe in. After all, it’s all about him (and my time bomb kind of mind).
To read more about Blogging and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name Gibran.
Our friends at LDRBN came up with this super cool February Relationship Challenge: a Relationship Appreciation Journal. We are supposed to keep a journal for a total of 30 days where we can write about all of the things we appreciate about our love, relationship or partner.
Their purpose for doing such a challenge as stated for us bloggers in their website:
This would make an amazing keepsake on the history of your LDR. It’s something you and your partner can look back on years from now when you’re finally together!
It’s also a great idea to do every so often to see how much your love has grown and changed months later. You can compare your written entries and see the growth and love.
Also doubles as a gift that you can send to your partner, that they can look at whenever they feel down or are missing you a lot!
I’m really excited to take part in this challenge in part because of the reasons they stated but another reason for me to participate is because Ahmad (my bf) asked me at the beginning of this year to keep a journal. Writing has always helped me to manage my feelings and now it is helping him too with his time in army.
We are already exchanging images of what we write so the other can see and I’m hoping to talk more about it at the end of the challenge (hopefully he will get time free by the end of it). I took time to decorate it to make it feel more “mine”. Here’s the final product:
New month means new goals!
Writing 3 goals each month has helped me achieved what I want slowly but steady. Who knew this really worked?! Apparently our friends at LDRBN. Here are My Monthly 3 for February:
- Save 1/4 of the money I need for my passport: I have to start somewhere!
- Write: I was asked to write about some specific topics. We aim to please!
- Love Love me: Pay off the hair straightener layaway I did last month.
Last but not least…Relationship Goal:
- Respect Boundaries: Because respect is one of the foundations of a relationship (I’m learning that the hard way).
Next month I’ll be sure to check on my progress.
It took me a month to think about my relationship and all the changes it went through in the year 2015. I started my LDR in November 2013 but it wasn’t until 2015 that it evolved into something I was really proud of. It took us over a year to gain a level of confidence in our relationship where we could feel like we were building something solid and lasting not only in our eyes but in the eyes of people around us.
When you are in a LDR you want your relationship to feel like a “normal relationship” even though you are dealing with distance, time difference, cultural differences, different beliefs, the opinion of family and friends and all the rest that the world wants to throw at you (I’ve dealt with all of it). The year 2015 was the year when we achieved a level or normalcy that made us open up about our feelings to people outside our circle of trust. I remember calling Ahmad my friend and hearing my mom in the background say “boyfriend! her boyfriend!”. Sounds funny but I became a master liar when it came to my relationship. It all changed last year. You can imagine me in the supermarket when my mom mentions casually “your bf…” (insert something LDR related) then someone that knows me would ask “where is he from?” I would freak out and out of nowhere my mom would reply “oh he is from Egypt!” and she would start talking about him. Took me all that time to be ready for the weird looks of other people at the mention of it. That cute picture I have of him at work? Don’t ask me how many of my clients/cases thinks that’s my adopted son (yeah he looks young enough and they are mostly old blind ladies).
It all felt better last year when we started sharing our relationship with more people. we started leaving each other cute messages on social media and even leaving comments with hearts and all for everyone to see. Of course with great changes comes great responsibility. It was the year when I got all the avalanche of questions, including the reasons why I had joined the LDRBN site and I decided it was time to step up to the plate and be proud of what we had built together.
I can truly say that 2015 was a great year for us and our relationship. It was the year he left for Army, marking the beginning of the last step in our journey to close the distance. I said before that it took me a whole month to do a review of 2015, it’s because after all the changes when I compared it to my relationship now after he went to Army, I can’t help but to ask myself who hit the pause button?
To read more about 2015 in a LDR and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name Gibran.