Tag / love

by Gibran Cruz

1 + 1 = Us

AnonQuestion Recently someone on Tumblr asked me how I met my bf. Anon was right, I never did say how Ahmad and I met and I promised I would make a post about it.

I met Ahmad on IMO. I downloaded that app back in 2013 to use as a messenger and be able to talk to my best friend (he was the one who suggested the app). What I didn’t know was that back then IMO was more than a messenger, it had a social feature called broadcasts where you could post, follow and meet people. I fell in love with the social part instantly. I met a lot of cool people there, including Ahmad.

I saw his profile and I knew I had to message him right away. Why? Because I hated his profile. The “About me” section of the profile started with I am.. and you just wrote about yourself. His profile said one word: Simple. I remember reading it and saying “simple? no one is simple! people are complicated as hell”so I had to say it to him. I wrote him a message that day explaining why I didn’t agree with his “about me”section. To my surprise, he replied! And he was so cool about it. After that we started messaging whenever we had a chance.Then we exchanged phone numbers and we texted every day. We have a 6 hour time difference so sometimes it meant that one of us would stay awake texting almost all night. We became pretty good friends and I could see we really enjoyed talking to each other about everything. Soon it felt more like “I have to talk to him” rather than I want to. I have to mention that all this time I didn’t believe people could really, really fall in love with someone at the other side of the world. It was something I read about it but didn’t think too much about it.

Fast forward to November 23, 2013. In the middle of a conversation Ahmad says to me “I Love You” my reply? “I Love You Too”. I couldn’t even believe my words at the time so I tried not to pay attention to them. Did I really said that? Am I one of those people they talk about in the internet? Is that even humanly possible? Nah! he has to be joking. Few days after that in another conversation he called me his girlfriend. I laughed, he had to be joking. “Since when?” I asked in that tone that clearly implied I was trying to be amusing. “Since I said I loved you and you said you loved me back”. Turned out he remembered the exact date: November 23, 2013.

I had to admit I was impressed. Clearly I had been tricked. How else could I fall in love with the cute guy at the other side of the world? But I was happy. I felt happy. He was (and still is) the most amazing man I have ever met. I didn’t fall in love, it was more like he took my hand and led me to it. The rest is the story we are still writing together…

gibypea3

 

by Gibran Cruz

Relationship Appreciation Journal

relationshipchall2216       Our friends at LDRBN came up with this super cool February Relationship Challenge: a Relationship Appreciation Journal. We are supposed to keep a journal for a total of 30 days where we can write about all of the things we appreciate about our love, relationship or partner.

Their purpose for doing such a challenge as stated for us bloggers in their website:

This would make an amazing keepsake on the history of your LDR. It’s something you and your partner can look back on years from now when you’re finally together!

It’s also a great idea to do every so often to see how much your love has grown and changed months later. You can compare your written entries and see the growth and love.

Also doubles as a gift that you can send to your partner, that they can look at whenever they feel down or are missing you a lot!

I’m really excited to take part in this challenge in part because of the reasons they stated but another reason for me to participate is because Ahmad (my bf) asked me at the beginning of this year to keep a journal. Writing has always helped me to manage my feelings and now it is helping him too with his time in army.

We are already exchanging images of what we write so the  other can see and I’m hoping to talk more about it at the end of the challenge (hopefully he will get time free by the end of it). I took time to decorate it to make it feel more “mine”.  Here’s the final product:

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by Gibran Cruz

Who Hit Pause?

It took me a month to think about my relationship and all the changes it went through in the year 2015. I started my LDR in November 2013 but it wasn’t until 2015  that it evolved into something I was really proud of. It took us over a year to gain a level of confidence in our relationship where we could feel like we were building something solid and lasting not only in our eyes but in the eyes of people around us.

When you are in a LDR you want your relationship to feel like a “normal relationship” even though you are dealing with distance, time difference, cultural differences, different beliefs, the opinion of family and friends and all the rest that the world wants to throw at you (I’ve dealt with all of it). The year 2015 was the year when we achieved a level or normalcy that made us open up about our feelings to people outside our circle of trust. I remember calling Ahmad my friend and hearing my mom in the background say “boyfriend! her boyfriend!”. Sounds funny but I became a master liar when it came to my relationship. It all changed last year. You can imagine me in the supermarket when my mom mentions casually “your bf…” (insert something LDR related) then someone that knows me would ask “where is he from?” I would freak out and out of nowhere my mom would reply “oh he is from Egypt!” and she would start talking about him. Took me all that time to be ready for the weird looks of other people at the mention of it. That cute picture I have of him at work? Don’t ask me how many of my clients/cases thinks that’s my adopted son (yeah he looks young enough and they are mostly old blind ladies).

It all felt better last year when we started sharing our relationship with more people. we started leaving each other cute messages on social media and even leaving comments with hearts and all for everyone to see. Of course with great changes comes great responsibility. It was the year when I got all the avalanche of questions, including the reasons why I had joined the LDRBN site and I decided it was time to step up to the plate and be proud of what we had built together.

I can truly say that 2015 was a great year for us and our relationship. It was the year he left for Army, marking the beginning of the last step in our journey to close the distance. I said before that it took me a whole month to do a review of 2015, it’s because after  all the changes when I compared it to my relationship now after he went to Army, I can’t help but to ask myself  who hit the pause button?

 

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To read more about 2015 in a LDR and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

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by Gibran Cruz

Little Box Of Horrors

There is a box hidden inside the darkest corners of my mind. It keeps safe what we have, keeps our relationship from breaking apart. You see what I most fear is that time will change what we feel. So I go there once in while to put all my bad thoughts inside. Stored away in that dark space is the doubt that I have. When the trust tries to go away I lock those thoughts inside that place. Jealousy and anger are there too all part of a time bomb I’m scared it could explode soon. Now as I watch from afar with a glass of wine in my hand as the only witness to my crimes…trying to keep my insecurities locked inside so my relationship can last. A final toast to everything inside…

For all the things you didn’t see. The messages and text you won’t get but I wrote them anyway, they got deleted before I could push send. All the things we won’t share; the thoughts, the words, calls, dates, special days. I’m still wondering if you would care.
All the things you forgot, all the promises you broke. The written pages, quotes collected, Pinterest boards created but you didn’t get them. The social apps we couldn’t share, always an excuse to hide them somewhere.
Chances missed, opportunities not taken. Pictures never shown of things and places; a world we could’ve shared but we missed it. All we could learn or teach the other. Now I wonder why you never took the time for it.
The distance felt kept getting bigger. I was giving up on what I was feeling, trying to keep it away and hidden because I am afraid of all of it fading.
For all the times we tried. I learned the drill: fight, argue, forgive and try, try, try. All the times I cried because I couldn’t say I wasn’t alright.
For the times I felt neglected. The secrets, the questions, the plans forgotten forever.
I will drink to that and more to come, because I decided to put it all in The Box.

Now that all is done I will leave a note on top of the box. It will serve as a reminder for next time I’m here, to decide if it’s worth it to hide my fears. Remember this was me trying to make this work while wondering what you felt.. “SHE OFFERED YOU THE WORLD AND YOU CHOSED TO SAVE IT INSTEAD”.

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To read more about Fears  in LDRs and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

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by Gibran Cruz

A Place For Us…

I have a safe house. He built it for me. Is the place I go when all seems to be wrong. It’s filled with all the things that makes me feel safe and happy again. It’s a two story house, sky blue with cream details. It has a beautiful garden with flowers and vegetables; he takes care of it, he is better at it than me. My house is in a clearing surrounded by soft grass and has  a lake beside it. Sometimes we do picnics outside in the grass…when I feel better.

It is beautiful inside. Big spaces so I can spend the time walking inside. A nice kitchen where i like to bake and look outside the window while i wait because I can see Him working on my garden. I know He is just waiting for me. No matter how angry or sad I am, He always does, never leaves me alone. There are just a few things inside the house. We are not supposed to be there for long. We have to work things out fast, you see, because emotions tend to build up. You don’t want bad ones taking the place of LOVE. House is decorated with memories. Good ones. That jar filled with sand, seashells and stones? I remember that trip to the beach…We laughed so much.

When I’m tired I go up the stairs. I’m looking at all the pictures on my way up. We are so happy in all of them. You put them there to remind us of how good we are together. So in Love. Family trips, you looking hot in that shirt I gave you. I remember when I bought it for you. I love the one where you are sleeping, you look like a kid on that one! This room is so big…light cream with a touch of peaceful blue. You chose the colors. most of it is empty. I’m not supposed to sleep here more than a day. I love to look out the window, you are always there. You smile, I wave, you walk away. Where are you? I always cry when I’m here. Later I  feel better after I’ve seen our memories, the ones we made together. Keyword…TOGETHER. After a while I always get this feeling like there is someone there…Then I feel your arms around me, a soft kiss. I hear the words “I Love You, lets talk”’…We go to bed. I know we wont sleep. We are never here more than a day…

gibypea3