Tag / journal

by Gibran Cruz

When the New Year Doesn’t Feel Like a Beginning

There was no dramatic ending to last year.
No moment where everything suddenly made sense.

It ended quietly — the way many emotional chapters do. With a soft understanding that something had shifted, even if I couldn’t fully explain what or why.

February feels like a pause. A space between what ended and what hasn’t fully begun; long after the pressure of New Year’s resolutions fades.

When a Year Feels Like a Trial

Last year felt like a personal trial. Not in loud or obvious ways, but internally. There was no single breakingpoint, no clear before-and-after moment — just a steady accumulation of emotional weight and quiet endurance.

The kind that happens when you’re asked to show up without certainty. Without guarantees. Without knowing if the effort will ever feel worth it.

And still, I stayed.

I stayed through discomfort.
Through unanswered questions.
Through versions of myself that felt unfamiliar and difficult to sit with.

The Emotional Weight of the Holidays

The holidays felt heavier than usual. Not because they were bad, but because they were different. Absence has a way of making itself known during moments that are meant to feel full.

Some people weren’t there anymore — some by circumstance, some by choice, some by emotional distance that grew quietly over time. I didn’t try to fix that feeling or turn it into forced gratitude. I told myself “it is what it is” – and I still believe it.

Why the New Year Didn’t Feel Like a Fresh Start

January didn’t feel like a beginning. It felt like a continuation.

The same thoughts followed me into the new year. The same unresolved emotions waited patiently for my attention. The same healing asked to be acknowledged instead of postponed.

Maybe that’s the truth we avoid: the new year doesn’t reset us. It reveals us.

Redefining Resolutions and Personal Growth

This year, I don’t want resolutions that demand reinvention. I don’t want promises that quietly fall apart by March (mine are already starting to fall apart).

What I want is presence. Gentleness. The ability to sit with myself without constantly trying to escape who I am right now.

I’m learning that not every ending comes with closure. Some chapters close without explanation, and learning to let go doesn’t always bring clarity — sometimes it simply brings peace.

Learning to Stay With Myself

I’m learning how much strength there is in staying.

Staying with the people who choose me.
Staying with my creativity, even when it feels distant.
Staying with myself when distraction feels easier than honesty.

Last year taught me that survival doesn’t always look like victory. Sometimes it looks like persistence — like showing up and continuing anyway.

I don’t know what this year will bring. I don’t know who I’ll be by the time it ends. But I know I’m no longer in a hurry to become someone else.

For now, I’m learning to stay.

And that feels like enough.

by Gibran Cruz

Hold On…Before It’s Too Late (Stay – version 2.0)

Sometimes we write the words we wish to hear. Because I know how it is for your soul to be tired. Tired of living the same day over and over again because every day is a repetition of the one before. So predictable, it actually hurts. Four letters in my mind: SSDD (same shit, different day – Stephen King described it perfectly in his book Dreamcatcher). People who can’t understand our feelings will give us detailed instructions on how to change our lives. It isn’t so easy for us,  the ones living the life others say is so easy to change. We don’t need instructions. It isn’t like we don’t try. It feels more like we’ve spent our whole lives trying and it becomes a race without a finish line, with no real way to win so we can finally say “I’m here, I made it, this is the life I always wanted”.

I know the feeling of wanting to disconnect yourself from the rest of the world or maybe just disappear for a while. After constant reminders of how you are not good enough you start to feel that it must be true, because after all, you’ve always felt like you don’t belong. So you wish you can just leave everything and everyone for a while, knowing they might not be there when and if you come back; of course you try to stay for as long as you can. A little support would be a lifesaver at this point but how to explain, how to talk about the secrets you don’t want to say? But we do, we stay… each time for a little longer because it is expected. We are adults. Maybe we stay because there is someone who will miss us or maybe because there is someone we always miss?

I’m scared that someday I will not find the courage to stay when all I want to do is to escape. Though sometimes late…I have to say it to myself: STAY. Stay because you’re missed. Stay because you are loved. Stay because life goes on and he makes it worth staying every day. Stay even when it’s taking a little bit more time to change; but sometimes what we are doing is changing the life of someone else. Whatever you do, know that there are people who want to understand… that they can’t live without you, and you don’t want to live without them. So Please, STAY.

by Gibran Cruz

Relationship Appreciation Journal

relationshipchall2216       Our friends at LDRBN came up with this super cool February Relationship Challenge: a Relationship Appreciation Journal. We are supposed to keep a journal for a total of 30 days where we can write about all of the things we appreciate about our love, relationship or partner.

Their purpose for doing such a challenge as stated for us bloggers in their website:

This would make an amazing keepsake on the history of your LDR. It’s something you and your partner can look back on years from now when you’re finally together!

It’s also a great idea to do every so often to see how much your love has grown and changed months later. You can compare your written entries and see the growth and love.

Also doubles as a gift that you can send to your partner, that they can look at whenever they feel down or are missing you a lot!

I’m really excited to take part in this challenge in part because of the reasons they stated but another reason for me to participate is because Ahmad (my bf) asked me at the beginning of this year to keep a journal. Writing has always helped me to manage my feelings and now it is helping him too with his time in army.

We are already exchanging images of what we write so the  other can see and I’m hoping to talk more about it at the end of the challenge (hopefully he will get time free by the end of it). I took time to decorate it to make it feel more “mine”.  Here’s the final product:

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