Dear LDR Diary: The Secrets We Keep

A secret is something we don’t want others to know. Something we decided it was best to be kept hidden. Sometimes that something is our relationship. Those who decide to keep their relationship a secret will give you a hundred reasons why they have to. Fears, family, religion, culture… they all play a role in that decision. 

I am one of those persons. I kept certain details of my LDR secret for some time because of a few reasons. I was (still am) afraid of people judging on my kind of relationship. My bf had his reasons too so we decided it was for the best…even when there are times I wish it was just like a normal one.

Last week. I keep a picture of my bf on a shelf in my cubicle at work (the why is a story for another day). I was working on a case and this old couple looks at the picture and one of them says “it’s so nice that you have a picture of your husband here, he is very handsome”. Before I could say he wasn’t my husband, a coworker adds “she is very in love with her husband”. After the couple left my coworker walks to my desk, looks at the picture and says “remember when I asked and you told me he was your adopted son? I always thought he looked too old to be adopted”. We both laughed and I told her I was sorry, but people wouldn’t understand. 

That’s when I remembered that a few months ago I went to Macy’s with my mom and like she always does, we stopped at one of the perfume counters. She saw the Dubai edition of one of the perfumes and joked about how that perfume was “arab like your bf”. Of course that caught the attention of the saleswoman who couldn’t help asking about it. 

A few months ago. The saleswoman walked over to us smiling but I could notice how her face was changing during the conversation. What follows is what I remember about the conversation at Macy’s between all 3 of us because my mom is less worried about people judging and keeping secrets:


Now? Every time something like this happens I lose a little bit of confidence. While there are times I tell myself that I would like to be able to tell everyone…there are still things that scare me (and my bf). We still struggle with those fears, family, friends, differences in culture… But when it is wise and safe to risk it? Is it worth it? Would we regret it? While it is true that we should always be proud of the person we are with, and we are, we are still afraid of the backlash we might receive. 

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Dear LDR Diary:

Today he has been in army for exactly one year. He left October 21, 2015. We are still here. We love. We wait. Less days now, I check my countdown every single day. I can’t wait for it to be over.

It’s funny how he says he hates it because I hate it too. He learned a lot of things, some of them he will take with him when he finishes. I learned a lot too. What’s more important is that we both learned to be patient. We learned how to be stronger together and we learned that doesn’t matter how a situation can change us… love will always remind us who we are to each other.

This year has taught us how to love and show it in all ways possible because you don’t know how much time it will pass before you can see or talk to each other. It made us realize that we can’t be without the other. Taught us how to be grateful for every bit of communication that made us feel closer in the distance… even when we are 6000 miles away.

The biggest lesson was knowing that we can do it, but only if we do it together day by day. We are not letting go.

 

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