Category / LDR

by Gibran Cruz

What He Said…

A few weeks ago I got a question on Tumblr. It made me think a lot and it took me like 2 days to answer it. Part of it because I was sure that the person knew about my long distance relationship. The other part was that I was asking myself those questions before I gave an answer. I wanted to be fair to the person (and to myself) and give an honest reply.

The next day I was sure I knew who that person was… the last question gave him away. Now it was time to finally answer after learning the shocking truth: When i said the person was right about it being less me.. It’s because in a way I did lost my inspiration and my purpose. He was right.

I didn’t think I was falling out of love. I was (I’m) sure of what i feel. But I guess sometimes we do lose our inspiration and our purpose and then we struggle to get it back. Sometimes it takes someone else to tell you.Someone else to say that you no longer write love letters. That you stopped showing everyone what you feel. That you don’t have those special details for that other person anymore.

You know what they say… People outside can see the smoke before the ones that are burning can feel the fire.

And finally when you do realize everything.. You wonder what happened  and how to get back on track. You think about the reasons you started writing in the first place… In my case it was because I felt my mind was going to explode in a million words. Then it became a way to handle my LDR.

Fast forward a few weeks later and I’m still trying to get back on track. Still trying to figure out how to stop writing love letters in my mind.. and the reason.. the reason is YOU.

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by Gibran Cruz

Stay

I know how it feels when you are tired. Not of life, but of your life. How it is, how it goes and how you know it will be the next morning, the one after and the one after that. So predictable that it actually hurts. To people that look at us from the outside it seems so easy to tell us detailed instructions on how to change our lives. It isn’t so easy to us, the ones actually living the life they say is so easy to change. Is not like we don’t try, is more like we have spent our whole life trying that it becomes a race without a finish line… There’s no way to win or to get to that finish line so we can finally look at our lives and say “we are here, we made it, this is what i wanted”.
I know how it feels when you want to disconnect yourself from the rest of the world and be yours for a few hours or a few days. Do your things, or maybe not doing anything at all. Those are the days I want to close all my social accounts and be mine for a few days. Watch some movies, read some books. Every time that happens it becomes a little harder to go back to share yourself with everyone else. We do because it is expected. We are adults. Maybe because there are people that misses us, or maybe there is someone we always miss.
There are times I’m scared that  I would never find the right words to make you stay when all that you want is be away for a while. Though sometimes late.. I know I have to say it… Stay. Stay because you are missed. Stay because you are loved. Stay because life goes on and it takes us more time to change.. But sometimes what we are doing is changing the life of someone else. Whatever you do… Know that there are people, like me, who want to tell you that we understand…That we can’t live without you… So please Stay.

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by Gibran Cruz

The Love Letter

I think the first thing I wrote was a love letter. I used to do it a lot for friends who needed someone to fall in love with them, while all I wanted was to fall in love with words. I was the one with the romantic ideas for Valentine’s Day and they always seemed to work.

I didn’t write a love letter in quite some time… I guess people doesn’t really need them anymore.  I do write the equivalent, some pretty long text messages filled with all kinds of romantic things that Ahmad loves to read (at least someone does). So it was expected that when a fellow blogger did a special in the month of February about love letters I would want to jump in (HERE is the link to her post).

I never shared that letter and after reading it over and over again.. I thought it was time to do so.

Carta Habeby

Until next time…

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by Gibran Cruz

It’s All In The Details.

detailsPicDetails are important in a relationship. It can be the difference between having a healthy, lasting relationship or getting a ticket to Splitville. Every relationship is different but there are certain things (in my opinion) that can shorten the longest distances.

1. Pet Names: Having a special name for your significant other can be a sweet and unique way to communicate between the 2 of  you.

2. Apps, Social Sites, Messages : There are lots of ways to shorten distance. Having  an  app for you 2 makes it special. Having the same apps to jump between them  when one isn’t working is useful. Text and/or call each other daily. That little detail tells the other person you are thinking about them. There is nothing sweeter than waking up/falling asleep to a loving message or better yet, falling asleep together while on video call. If you follow or check each other out (is not stalking if the other one knows, maybe) on social sites be sure to check once in a  while, let them know you care. it can be a fun way to leave each other messages that only the 2 of you  will know even if  they are public. You can  use a code word or any other thing to identify your messages. It should be ok to like or comment, lets them know you care and pay attention. Make it  funny or neutral if you have to keep it a secret (your relationship shouldn’t be a secret but, oh well); that sends the  message “I care about your things”.

3. Talking, Listening & Understanding: Always talk about the way you feel. Listen to each other’s points of view, try to understand. Don’t let arguments or discomforts sit for more than a day. If you don’t think you can do that, think about getting out of the relationship.

4. Dates & Dates: Try to remember special dates or occasions like anniversaries or the months you’ve been together. Try to schedule “special dates” to call each other, play that silly game, watch a movie or do something you enjoy together (yes that includes sex). Those  details tell your loved ones how much you care.

5. The Classics:  Classics never fail. I Love You or I Miss You are always  special when said from the heart. Be there for each other in time of need. Share details with each other but most  importantly, find new ways of letting the other know how much he/she is loved…those are the details of LOVE.

“Being away from each other doesn’t mean there has to be distance in the heart”  

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by Gibran Cruz

Guest Post by Sean Mars: Commitment in a LDR

I was talking to “Pamela” for almost 2 years. Finally, at a beer garden overlooking the Allegheny river I finally had the chance to meet her. After the first pint I had an idea that we had differences of opinions. She exceeded all of my expectations; I felt a wave of disenchantment and disappointment coming from her. By the third pint it was clear that I expected too much and came all that way for nothing. For a moment I regretted putting myself out there. I went to bed that evening rather depressed, wondering what was wrong with me. 1000 things could’ve been wrong with me that she did not agree with, looking back. I was happy for the chance to have finally met her versus having her as a possibility that I would maybe someday, one day, get enough strength to meet in person.

A few months later she told me that she had no romantic interest in me and wished to be friends. I agreed, knowing then that now it meant a distant acquaintance.

When people talk about long-distance relationship that started on the Internet(ie. Internet LDR), it usually involves deep thought-provoking conversation, instant messaging throughout the day and the occasional cyber sexual encounter. While many people talk about meeting each other, such an occurrence might happen or not. Both parties earnestly want to see each other in real life. Stories like the one I told above doesn’t help that.

People get afraid.

Finding an Internet LDR partner can be such a gift. You can see people, they can see you, and you have a wide variety of mediums to make your relationship work. But there comes a time where we have to come out from behind our respective screens and hold the hand of the person who was touching another keyboard in another room, far away.

To do that takes a different type of commitment than to figure out time zones for possible date nights. It is the desire to be engaged, though the prospect of success might be poor. Think about it, meeting an Internet LDR partner in real life for the first time is like meeting a possible partner in real life. It doesn’t matter if you’re on a blind date, connected through a message board or dating profile. Distance becomes irrelevant. All that matters is time. For someone who is local that real life meeting commitment happens in days or weeks. An Internet LDR could be months and years.

Sooner or later one partner would want to meet the other, willing to travel great distances to seek out the possibility of a real-life relationship. The other partner might be not want to meet for a variety of reasons. Those reasons have to be dealt with.

If the point of an Internet LDR is to meet, marry and live happily ever after, then the there has to be an overall commitment to make it work. Meeting in person is just the opening of this larger cluster that is a committed relationship. It’s not about promising to meet and never following through. It’s about having this virtual relationship with the understanding that it’s temporary and will be superseded by a real-life one.

Yet people think that an engagement ring, gifts and elaborate virtual encounters make a relationship. But what are they really? Is it someone who will never hesitate to tell you that they love you? Someone who willing to stand by your side in all encounters? What about that person who’s willing to travel to ends the earth, literally? A $2000 engagement ring delivered via special courier pales next to your former virtual lover placing a $150 ring on your finger. One is a financial commitment, the other one is a commitment of many resources. The former looks great to your Facebook friends, the latter appeals to your emotional and intellectual needs. The problem with gifts is they are material and somewhat ephemeral. You wear the ring, but the ring is a symbol of commitment. If after a period of time no action has taken place, the two of you are still apart, that symbol would look like an indictment of idleness.

Yes, again, it’s possible that nothing could come from taking a chance with this person. They might go ghost on you in the last possible moment. You find out they are really catfishing, not who they claim to represent. Finally, they could reject you for a variety of reasons. But what is the alternative? While there are some merits for having an Internet relationship that is not the goal for most people. When exchanges of love happens, intimate conversations ensue, people start thinking of each other all the time, each person want to know are they going to share their lives with this other person physically in a meaningful timeframe.

If you been afraid in meeting your Internet LDR it’s time to show some bravery. Pick a date that the both of you can agree that you will get together and make arrangements. If you and your partner live on the other side of the world and the both of you are financially capable why not meet in the middle? For example, one person lives in Calgary, the other lives in Johannesburg. Why not try to meet in Paris or Madrid? It doesn’t have to be fancy(a three-star hotel in Madrid gives a unique cultural flavor missing from better hotels) or particularly long (5 days should do it), but it should happen.

When you meet and hug each other it will feel like the beginning of something new. Hopefully that feeling to be with you forever, long after details fade away in memory.

 

About the author:   Sean Mars, writer of A Google 365 Days blog is currently not in an Internet LDR. He lives in Detroit, Michigan.

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by Gibran Cruz

Do. Or Do Not. There Is No Try

I’ve been in a Long Distance Relationship for over 2 years now and still there are days where I wish someone would’ve handed me a map at the beginning of it (or maybe just a Magic 8 ball ). When you finally decide to give it a try, it’s when you realize you are already there (yikes!). The good news is that the ones traveling that road -myself included-  will always leave some directions in every turn for the ones deciding to take the same route. As the Grand Master Yoda said: Do. Or Do Not. There Is No Try.

Here are some notes left for the ones standing in the middle of the road:

  • Make a decision. There is no “trying to see if it works”, no 50/50. If you decide to be in a LDR you have to give 100%.
  • Remember you were friends before you were a couple and if you weren’t, build a good solid friendship so you can feel comfortable with one another.
  • Get to know everything you can about the other person. You are not together physically so you rely on sharing to better know each other. Learn from one another in terms of language, culture, traditions. There is always something new to experience.
  • Involve friends and family when you can. You want to treat your LDR as a normal relationship and support may be needed.
  • Communication is the key (or one of them). There will be a lot of talking, texting, messaging and sharing in every social app/messenger you guys have. Learn to talk and listen and keep in mind you can’t actually read intonation from a text message.
  • There will be arguments. A lot. Don’t let emotions cloud your judgement and don’t make decisions when angry. Calm down, talk, understand and resolve your issues.
  • Knowing what you want is half the battle. If you want it to work, make it work. Make time for dates, calls, video calls…anything that can make you feel closer. There are lots of ideas to keep your LDR fun. Browse the internet or make your own. Each couple is different.

I’m sure there are a million advice for everyone that decides to embark on the adventure that is a LDR. It wouldn’t be an adventure if we knew everything that was going to happen along the way. We have to enjoy the ride while we arrive at our destination. With that said, the last thing to do is to remind you (and myself):The paths less travel by are for the bold so Don’t Quit. Live, Love, Plan your future together. You want your LDR to be a real love story and not some fairy tale  written in social apps. Just don’t forget to leave some notes along your road.

 

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To read more about Pre-LDR Advice and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

 

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by Gibran Cruz

My Monthly 3: March Goals

MM3MarchThis month I’m praying for the luck of the Irish so I can accomplish my goals. Each month our friends at LDRBN ask us to share 3 goals. I’m proud to say that I accomplished 2 of my February goals:

  • Save 1/4 of the money I need for my passport
  • Write about a specific topic

Two out of three ain’t bad huh? This month My Monthly 3 are:

  1. Go on a hunt for a new school: I have to decide if it would be wise to transfer my son to another school.
  2. Finish the book I’m reading: I abandoned the second of a series of 6 books. What’s wrong with me?
  3. Bake: I need to raise some money if I want to transfer my son to another school and there is no better way to do it than to bake or make some desserts.

Last but not least…Relationship Goal:

  • Learn and Practice Arabic: I only know some basic things and terms of endearment and Ahmad asked me to learn to read it (he will teach me). I’m going to learn a thing or two on my own and practice before we start.

Maybe this month I will find my Lucky Charm…

 

 

by Gibran Cruz

LDR Advice: Listen Carefully and Choose Wisely

When it comes to Long Distance Relationships (and everything else in life) everyone has some advice to give. Some of it will even come from people who hasn’t been in a LDR before. We do understand that they do it out of the goodness of their hearts but that doesn’t mean you have to follow through with it. For that reason we should listen and pay attention to what friends or family have to say but we have to choose wisely in terms of what we think it’s the best for us and our relationship.

When I started my relationship, one of the best advice I received was from my best friend at the moment. The funny thing is that he gave it to me to actually discourage me of pursuing a relationship with my now boyfriend. His words still echo inside my mind: The heart doesn’t know about distance. He said the words in order for me to give up, because once I fell in love, we would want to fight for it because after all it wasn’t impossible; there are planes and ways to make it work. With that said, you thought I was going to give up? He just said it was possible! Turns out his reasons were very personal and he was just trying to save me from heartache but his words gave me the push I needed to jump on board the LDR Express.

Because we know that sharing our sadness or talking about what makes us feel down actually makes us feel better, that is the time when we get the most advice from our best friends, close friends and even relatives (everyone you share with will give you the magic solution according to them). That’s exactly when my friend Sean gave me the best advice of all: do something to get the fucking guy. Short like a greeting card but as powerful as a nuclear blast.

LDRadviceSean His words were and still are the reason why even at my lowest I keep going forward. I do want to get the guy. Every day I work hard on keeping my relationship because I have to do something to get the guy.

In the end, everyone will have something to say. It is our right to choose what we think it’s best for us because we are the ones living with the choices we make day after day. Remember to listen carefully and choose wisely.

 

 

 

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To read more about LDR Advice and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

 

 

by Gibran Cruz

Share The Love

LovLetterHamzehI’ve always said that Love requires action. What about when it comes in the form or written words? Love is meant to be expressed. My super friend Hamzeh reminded me of that yesterday when he sent me the loveliest letter.

Details are important in any kind of relationship, doesn’t matter if it’s a  romantic one, friendship, family… we all need love. Even a detail like writing you a letter can brighten your life a little bit and remind you that not all hope is lost. That Love is there waiting not only to be shared but accepted in any form possible. That we all deserve to feel it in some way.

Words take a new meaning not because they were written in a piece of paper, but because you know that person took his time, effort and dedication and for a moment it was all directed at you, it was meant for you. Those words in paper are the sole witnesses of the action taken for you. This are the details you cherish.

Next time someone hands you some of his/her words in a piece of paper or you are about to write down some of your own… go ahead, share the Love.

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by Gibran Cruz

1 + 1 = Us

AnonQuestion Recently someone on Tumblr asked me how I met my bf. Anon was right, I never did say how Ahmad and I met and I promised I would make a post about it.

I met Ahmad on IMO. I downloaded that app back in 2013 to use as a messenger and be able to talk to my best friend (he was the one who suggested the app). What I didn’t know was that back then IMO was more than a messenger, it had a social feature called broadcasts where you could post, follow and meet people. I fell in love with the social part instantly. I met a lot of cool people there, including Ahmad.

I saw his profile and I knew I had to message him right away. Why? Because I hated his profile. The “About me” section of the profile started with I am.. and you just wrote about yourself. His profile said one word: Simple. I remember reading it and saying “simple? no one is simple! people are complicated as hell”so I had to say it to him. I wrote him a message that day explaining why I didn’t agree with his “about me”section. To my surprise, he replied! And he was so cool about it. After that we started messaging whenever we had a chance.Then we exchanged phone numbers and we texted every day. We have a 6 hour time difference so sometimes it meant that one of us would stay awake texting almost all night. We became pretty good friends and I could see we really enjoyed talking to each other about everything. Soon it felt more like “I have to talk to him” rather than I want to. I have to mention that all this time I didn’t believe people could really, really fall in love with someone at the other side of the world. It was something I read about it but didn’t think too much about it.

Fast forward to November 23, 2013. In the middle of a conversation Ahmad says to me “I Love You” my reply? “I Love You Too”. I couldn’t even believe my words at the time so I tried not to pay attention to them. Did I really said that? Am I one of those people they talk about in the internet? Is that even humanly possible? Nah! he has to be joking. Few days after that in another conversation he called me his girlfriend. I laughed, he had to be joking. “Since when?” I asked in that tone that clearly implied I was trying to be amusing. “Since I said I loved you and you said you loved me back”. Turned out he remembered the exact date: November 23, 2013.

I had to admit I was impressed. Clearly I had been tricked. How else could I fall in love with the cute guy at the other side of the world? But I was happy. I felt happy. He was (and still is) the most amazing man I have ever met. I didn’t fall in love, it was more like he took my hand and led me to it. The rest is the story we are still writing together…

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