Share A Little Stardust

Decide to live your life like a great adventure. Dream big and make it happen. Life is full of opportunities… grab them, make them yours and help others see theirs too.

Make giving a part of your nature. Don’t love others thinking about what you can get in return, but expecting to build beautiful things that will last forever.

Be the architect of your life and your dreams. Design your life thinking that you deserve the best out of it.

Share love as it is stardust and you want to share pieces of a shooting star before it’s gone from our lives.

One last thing: find a place where you belong and try to help others feel like they can belong too.

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Confessions of a LDR gf

The next series of posts are titled Confessions of a LDR gf for a reason. Their purpose is to say or “confess” what every person in a ldr wished his s/o knew, but we are too afraid to point it out directly to our partners. We don’t want them to feel like they are failing. What we want to do is to remind them (and ourselves in the process) that we can build better, stronger relationships. Yes, thou it’s mostly us on the scene, I can’t leave out of the picture the true fact that there are guys out there fighting for another day to keep their LDR’s alive. Guys we salute you 😉 👍.

To start off I don’t want to demean or discourage anyone’s efforts, or way of handling their relationships. No offense intended on my part, but I do wish to open up and speak in the name of many struggling with the issues I’ll address today.

Nowadays in LDR’s we tend to pour out our hearts in actions, words, efforts and as in many cases we even give away a part of our lives we’ll never get back, and that part is our time so willingly and lovingly invested.

Not that we complain about it, we struggle, adjust and overcome it because of different time zones, circumstances and even cultural differences. Yet something comes to my heart and it troubles me at all times. I for example am a very emotional person, I feel everything I do has to be weighed before set out there for the world to see but that’s just me, I know for a fact each one of us handles this special kind of relationship as a delicate one because not everyone is made to withstand distance, or the type of relationship many will question.

My heartfelt attention is the tremendous weight of efforts made on our part that go unnoticed by our sentimental partners, or as we call them S/O. 

  • We plan our whole lives around our relationships so we can be available to call, text and video keeping in mind time differences and sometimes even sacrificing our social lives while theirs remain intact. 
  • Our endless tries as in posting, writing, idealizing, recreating and as I mentioned before giving so much life to our relationships that we end up drained in the midst of it all and without motivation as well, because of their lack of empathy, and contribution towards us.
  • We get inspired with a song, a thought, a feeling, and we wish to share that with our beloved but many times we barely get a response or any reaction from their part.  

Instead of getting our S/O attention, we end up showered and encouraged by others who know us well, and even dare to try out as suitors for our hearts. But do we give in to those suitors? Of course not!! We’re only into the object of our affection. If not, we’d be seeking the attention offered when others seem to know what we like, what we don’t, when something goes wrong and can tune in to our emotions. 

 Not many understand our devotion surpasses all of these things. In fact we have our ups and downs as those in a normal standard relationship, except we guard it with a not so invisible  shield of undivided attention. We continue to hope our feelings are felt, understood, delivered and reciprocated.
We can even compare it to an app used on a daily basis: we go to it, we text, we send, all in hopes it will be seen and replied to. Still seconds become hours in our hearts and when not understood we become wounded, and in some cases we hold our feelings back in avoidance of “confrontation mode” as I call it.

Our hearts are visited as a place of invisible encounters and rare meetings. Because we then begin to build a force field that repels any advances intending to break it down…but reality is we’re only trying to salvage any remains left of our soul’s feelings.

To read more about long distance relationships don’t forget to follow Dua e Maryam at Voice of a Broken Heart

January Goals (Because I can’t stick to resolutions)

I was thinking of a few things that I wanted to accomplish this year but then I thought about how bad I was at sticking to my resolutions. So maybe it would be easier to keep it simple and keep making short term goals each month (commitment has always been my problem).

Going over last month goals, I finished reading one of the 2 books I wanted to finish and posted 2 of the 3 drafts I planned. That’s not so bad! About my relationship goal (take a few steps back) I’m making progress training Jedi style but more work is needed.

Now that I reviewed my progress, this month I will…

  1. Finish the other drafts I had. If that takes me a year I will be calling them resolutions ha!
  2. Start renovating my closet space. I fell in love with a closet organizer and I think I will start making changes around in my room.

Last but not least… A relationship goal:

  1. Work on my relationship. Things have been a little crazy and I know both of us could do better – copy/pasting this to his messenger – .

Next month I will be sure to check on my progress.

gibypea3

November: I have Goals!

It’s been a while since I wrote down my goals. As part of the community I used to contribute to, we wrote our goals for that month. There is something about actually writing them that make them seem more real. At leas it feels that way to me. I feel I need to start doing it again, so here it goes…

In November I will:

  1. Save some money. I started to save for my passport but I didn’t finished. Don’t have my passport yet, so that is one of the things I’m planning to do before the end of this year.
  2. Finish some of my drafts. I’ve been feeling kind of down lately and couldn’t find purpose in writing. That is something we need to find in everything we do… I’m hoping I can finish some of the drafts I have saved and post them very soon.

Relationship Goal:

  1. Wait. It’ll all be over soon…things will change.

 

 

 

What He Said…

A few weeks ago I got a question on Tumblr. It made me think a lot and it took me like 2 days to answer it. Part of it because I was sure that the person knew about my long distance relationship. The other part was that I was asking myself those questions before I gave an answer. I wanted to be fair to the person (and to myself) and give an honest reply.

The next day I was sure I knew who that person was… the last question gave him away. Now it was time to finally answer after learning the shocking truth: When i said the person was right about it being less me.. It’s because in a way I did lost my inspiration and my purpose. He was right.

I didn’t think I was falling out of love. I was (I’m) sure of what i feel. But I guess sometimes we do lose our inspiration and our purpose and then we struggle to get it back. Sometimes it takes someone else to tell you.Someone else to say that you no longer write love letters. That you stopped showing everyone what you feel. That you don’t have those special details for that other person anymore.

You know what they say… People outside can see the smoke before the ones that are burning can feel the fire.

And finally when you do realize everything.. You wonder what happened  and how to get back on track. You think about the reasons you started writing in the first place… In my case it was because I felt my mind was going to explode in a million words. Then it became a way to handle my LDR.

Fast forward a few weeks later and I’m still trying to get back on track. Still trying to figure out how to stop writing love letters in my mind.. and the reason.. the reason is YOU.

gibypea3

Stay

I know how it feels when you are tired. Not of life, but of your life. How it is, how it goes and how you know it will be the next morning, the one after and the one after that. So predictable that it actually hurts. To people that look at us from the outside it seems so easy to tell us detailed instructions on how to change our lives. It isn’t so easy to us, the ones actually living the life they say is so easy to change. Is not like we don’t try, is more like we have spent our whole life trying that it becomes a race without a finish line… There’s no way to win or to get to that finish line so we can finally look at our lives and say “we are here, we made it, this is what i wanted”.
I know how it feels when you want to disconnect yourself from the rest of the world and be yours for a few hours or a few days. Do your things, or maybe not doing anything at all. Those are the days I want to close all my social accounts and be mine for a few days. Watch some movies, read some books. Every time that happens it becomes a little harder to go back to share yourself with everyone else. We do because it is expected. We are adults. Maybe because there are people that misses us, or maybe there is someone we always miss.
There are times I’m scared that  I would never find the right words to make you stay when all that you want is be away for a while. Though sometimes late.. I know I have to say it… Stay. Stay because you are missed. Stay because you are loved. Stay because life goes on and it takes us more time to change.. But sometimes what we are doing is changing the life of someone else. Whatever you do… Know that there are people, like me, who want to tell you that we understand…That we can’t live without you… So please Stay.

gibypea3

 

Why I Light It Up Blue (for Autism)

LIUBAs many people know, April 2 is the World Autism Awareness Day. It was established in 2007 and it encourages Member States of the UN to raise awareness of the condition.

Though it is believed that the concept of Light It Up Blue was created by the Canadian Autism Society, there is one organization that promotes the event every year in the U.S.

This year, like every other year before (my son was Dx on 2008) I try hard to raise awareness by wearing blue, handing out information about the condition, sharing on social media and even getting my blue light bulb. The picture here shows the actual light bulb (party light) I bought from a hardware store. It’s not the one sold with the logo of the organization, is a simple party light that comes in a white package sold in any hardware store.  The only difference was that this year, I received a message on my Tumblr account asking me not to participate because the organization that promotes the event was “bad”and not really compromised with helping the families of those with autism. It prompted me to search the internet using the term “bad”along with the name of the organization. I have to say that I did. I have to say that there are countless people who do not support the organization because of how they spend the money – research on how to cure autism instead of accepting it, overpaying board members, using little of the funds to help families and those with the condition- to name a few.

After reading (and replying to the message) I had to ask myself why I decided to LIUB on World Autism Awareness Day. Was it to promote an event? To support an organization? the answer was simple… I don’t support organizations, I support my son.

It has been a long journey for us. Before your son gets a diagnose, the road is hard. Getting a diagnose is like re fueling your tank to keep on going. I’ve been on this road long enough to say that it is my duty as a parent to raise awareness and educate those around me so my son and  many other children don’t have to go through the pain of people staring, talking, and asking why is he/she is like that? So the parents (like me) don’t have to wrestle a school system plagued with incompetence, full of unqualified teachers that doesn’t want to help children (not all of them are like this but believe me, you will get more than a few).

In the years that I’ve been on this road (my son is 14 now) I had to learn how to be a psychologist, nurse, occupational therapist,  advocate, but above all… a mother of a special kid. It is my job as a mother to give my son the tools he needs for a brighter future. A future I’m sure no organization will give him, but I will. That includes the decision of giving him a better education in a school that I can’t even afford.

Will I light it up blue next year? Yes I will. Not because of any organization but because we have to raise awareness so our children can have a better, more inclusive environment. Not for a cure, but for better opportunities in a future. Not because someone asks us to do it, but because we choose to participate in their idea for our cause, for our journey.

 

 

gibypea3

Resources: https://en.wikipedia.org