Tag / letting go

by Gibran Cruz

When I Die (Riley’s Monologue)

When I die…

My body stops functioning.

Shut down. All at once, or gradually, my breathing stops, my heart stops beating.

Clinical death.

And a bit later, like, five whole minutes later…

My brain cells start dying.

But in the meantime, in between…

Maybe my brain releases a flood of DMT.

It’s the psychedelic drug released when we dream, so…

I dream.

I dream bigger than I have ever dreamed before, because it’s all of it. Just the last dump of DMT all at once.

And my neurons are firing and I’m seeing this firework display of memories and imagination.

And I am just… tripping.

I mean, really tripping balls because my mind’s rifling through the memories.

You know, long and short-term, and the dreams mix with the memories, and…

It’s a curtain call.

The dream to end all dreams.

One last great dream as my mind empties the fuckin’ missile silos and then…

I stop.

My brain activity ceases and there is nothing left of me.

No pain.

No memory, no awareness that I ever was, no…

That I ever hurt someone.

That I ever killed someone.

Everything is as it was before me.

And the electricity disperses from my brain till it’s just dead tissue.

Meat.

Oblivion.

And all of the other little things that make me up, they…

The microbes and bacterium and the billion other little things that live on my eyelashes and in my hair and in my mouth and on my skin and in my gut and everywhere else, they just keep on living.

And eating.

Uh…

And I’m serving a purpose.

I’m feeding life.

And I’m broken apart, and all the littlest pieces of me are just recycled, and I’m billions of other places.

And my atoms are in plants and bugs and animals, and I am like the stars that are in the sky.

There one moment and then just scattered across the goddamn cosmos.

Source Scrapsfromtheloft.com

by Gibran Cruz

On The Road To Letting Go

Part 2 – Part 1

Getting this message in Tumblr a few months ago opened my eyes. Made me think about how stuck I was and how long it was taking me to heal. Shortly after replying to it I started to get my things in order and prepared to take a trip on the road to letting go.

I updated my social accounts and thought about leaving my LDR journey behind, after all, it was over. But after thinking about it for the longest time I realized that even if I don’t believe, I still care.

Healing takes time and part of healing is letting go of the anger. When I realized that I had to let go of the anger, the bad memories and the pain, it allowed me to move forward on my healing journey and even give some space to forgiveness. I said to myself : Giby, it is what it is and maybe it’s not meant to be.

The road to letting go is a long and winding road… so what did I packed for my trip?

  • Patience: I knew it was a long journey. Healing takes time, getting back on track takes time so you will need lots of patience to adjust to the changes and the ups and downs life will throw at you.
  • Friends/family: everything is better with friends so why not take them with you? Having someone to support you is really important and will help you along the way.
  • Entertainment: now that you have more time on your hands, why not invest it on you? Go out, pick up some hobbies or do more of your favorite things.

Things are different now. In the beginning of my journey I stumbled upon PUBG and it helped me to keep my mind off things. Incredibly, it also brought my ex and I closer again in terms of friendship.

One last thing you will realize while on the road of letting go: not everyone is meant to stay, so you will end up letting go of more people than you thought you would. I had to give up on people who were just taking space in my life without giving me the chance of having a space in theirs.