Author / Gibran Cruz

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Posts by Gibran Cruz

Free psychologist for friends, shaper of thoughts and words. Advice of all sorts. Fixer by nature, coffee lover. This is the way i see...
by Gibran Cruz

Why I Light It Up Blue (for Autism)

LIUBAs many people know, April 2 is the World Autism Awareness Day. It was established in 2007 and it encourages Member States of the UN to raise awareness of the condition.

Though it is believed that the concept of Light It Up Blue was created by the Canadian Autism Society, there is one organization that promotes the event every year in the U.S.

This year, like every other year before (my son was Dx on 2008) I try hard to raise awareness by wearing blue, handing out information about the condition, sharing on social media and even getting my blue light bulb. The picture here shows the actual light bulb (party light) I bought from a hardware store. It’s not the one sold with the logo of the organization, is a simple party light that comes in a white package sold in any hardware store.  The only difference was that this year, I received a message on my Tumblr account asking me not to participate because the organization that promotes the event was “bad”and not really compromised with helping the families of those with autism. It prompted me to search the internet using the term “bad”along with the name of the organization. I have to say that I did. I have to say that there are countless people who do not support the organization because of how they spend the money – research on how to cure autism instead of accepting it, overpaying board members, using little of the funds to help families and those with the condition- to name a few.

After reading (and replying to the message) I had to ask myself why I decided to LIUB on World Autism Awareness Day. Was it to promote an event? To support an organization? the answer was simple… I don’t support organizations, I support my son.

It has been a long journey for us. Before your son gets a diagnose, the road is hard. Getting a diagnose is like re fueling your tank to keep on going. I’ve been on this road long enough to say that it is my duty as a parent to raise awareness and educate those around me so my son and  many other children don’t have to go through the pain of people staring, talking, and asking why is he/she is like that? So the parents (like me) don’t have to wrestle a school system plagued with incompetence, full of unqualified teachers that doesn’t want to help children (not all of them are like this but believe me, you will get more than a few).

In the years that I’ve been on this road (my son is 14 now) I had to learn how to be a psychologist, nurse, occupational therapist,  advocate, but above all… a mother of a special kid. It is my job as a mother to give my son the tools he needs for a brighter future. A future I’m sure no organization will give him, but I will. That includes the decision of giving him a better education in a school that I can’t even afford.

Will I light it up blue next year? Yes I will. Not because of any organization but because we have to raise awareness so our children can have a better, more inclusive environment. Not for a cure, but for better opportunities in a future. Not because someone asks us to do it, but because we choose to participate in their idea for our cause, for our journey.

 

 

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Resources: https://en.wikipedia.org

 

by Gibran Cruz

Guest Post by Sean Mars: Commitment in a LDR

I was talking to “Pamela” for almost 2 years. Finally, at a beer garden overlooking the Allegheny river I finally had the chance to meet her. After the first pint I had an idea that we had differences of opinions. She exceeded all of my expectations; I felt a wave of disenchantment and disappointment coming from her. By the third pint it was clear that I expected too much and came all that way for nothing. For a moment I regretted putting myself out there. I went to bed that evening rather depressed, wondering what was wrong with me. 1000 things could’ve been wrong with me that she did not agree with, looking back. I was happy for the chance to have finally met her versus having her as a possibility that I would maybe someday, one day, get enough strength to meet in person.

A few months later she told me that she had no romantic interest in me and wished to be friends. I agreed, knowing then that now it meant a distant acquaintance.

When people talk about long-distance relationship that started on the Internet(ie. Internet LDR), it usually involves deep thought-provoking conversation, instant messaging throughout the day and the occasional cyber sexual encounter. While many people talk about meeting each other, such an occurrence might happen or not. Both parties earnestly want to see each other in real life. Stories like the one I told above doesn’t help that.

People get afraid.

Finding an Internet LDR partner can be such a gift. You can see people, they can see you, and you have a wide variety of mediums to make your relationship work. But there comes a time where we have to come out from behind our respective screens and hold the hand of the person who was touching another keyboard in another room, far away.

To do that takes a different type of commitment than to figure out time zones for possible date nights. It is the desire to be engaged, though the prospect of success might be poor. Think about it, meeting an Internet LDR partner in real life for the first time is like meeting a possible partner in real life. It doesn’t matter if you’re on a blind date, connected through a message board or dating profile. Distance becomes irrelevant. All that matters is time. For someone who is local that real life meeting commitment happens in days or weeks. An Internet LDR could be months and years.

Sooner or later one partner would want to meet the other, willing to travel great distances to seek out the possibility of a real-life relationship. The other partner might be not want to meet for a variety of reasons. Those reasons have to be dealt with.

If the point of an Internet LDR is to meet, marry and live happily ever after, then the there has to be an overall commitment to make it work. Meeting in person is just the opening of this larger cluster that is a committed relationship. It’s not about promising to meet and never following through. It’s about having this virtual relationship with the understanding that it’s temporary and will be superseded by a real-life one.

Yet people think that an engagement ring, gifts and elaborate virtual encounters make a relationship. But what are they really? Is it someone who will never hesitate to tell you that they love you? Someone who willing to stand by your side in all encounters? What about that person who’s willing to travel to ends the earth, literally? A $2000 engagement ring delivered via special courier pales next to your former virtual lover placing a $150 ring on your finger. One is a financial commitment, the other one is a commitment of many resources. The former looks great to your Facebook friends, the latter appeals to your emotional and intellectual needs. The problem with gifts is they are material and somewhat ephemeral. You wear the ring, but the ring is a symbol of commitment. If after a period of time no action has taken place, the two of you are still apart, that symbol would look like an indictment of idleness.

Yes, again, it’s possible that nothing could come from taking a chance with this person. They might go ghost on you in the last possible moment. You find out they are really catfishing, not who they claim to represent. Finally, they could reject you for a variety of reasons. But what is the alternative? While there are some merits for having an Internet relationship that is not the goal for most people. When exchanges of love happens, intimate conversations ensue, people start thinking of each other all the time, each person want to know are they going to share their lives with this other person physically in a meaningful timeframe.

If you been afraid in meeting your Internet LDR it’s time to show some bravery. Pick a date that the both of you can agree that you will get together and make arrangements. If you and your partner live on the other side of the world and the both of you are financially capable why not meet in the middle? For example, one person lives in Calgary, the other lives in Johannesburg. Why not try to meet in Paris or Madrid? It doesn’t have to be fancy(a three-star hotel in Madrid gives a unique cultural flavor missing from better hotels) or particularly long (5 days should do it), but it should happen.

When you meet and hug each other it will feel like the beginning of something new. Hopefully that feeling to be with you forever, long after details fade away in memory.

 

About the author:   Sean Mars, writer of A Google 365 Days blog is currently not in an Internet LDR. He lives in Detroit, Michigan.

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by Gibran Cruz

Do. Or Do Not. There Is No Try

I’ve been in a Long Distance Relationship for over 2 years now and still there are days where I wish someone would’ve handed me a map at the beginning of it (or maybe just a Magic 8 ball ). When you finally decide to give it a try, it’s when you realize you are already there (yikes!). The good news is that the ones traveling that road -myself included-  will always leave some directions in every turn for the ones deciding to take the same route. As the Grand Master Yoda said: Do. Or Do Not. There Is No Try.

Here are some notes left for the ones standing in the middle of the road:

  • Make a decision. There is no “trying to see if it works”, no 50/50. If you decide to be in a LDR you have to give 100%.
  • Remember you were friends before you were a couple and if you weren’t, build a good solid friendship so you can feel comfortable with one another.
  • Get to know everything you can about the other person. You are not together physically so you rely on sharing to better know each other. Learn from one another in terms of language, culture, traditions. There is always something new to experience.
  • Involve friends and family when you can. You want to treat your LDR as a normal relationship and support may be needed.
  • Communication is the key (or one of them). There will be a lot of talking, texting, messaging and sharing in every social app/messenger you guys have. Learn to talk and listen and keep in mind you can’t actually read intonation from a text message.
  • There will be arguments. A lot. Don’t let emotions cloud your judgement and don’t make decisions when angry. Calm down, talk, understand and resolve your issues.
  • Knowing what you want is half the battle. If you want it to work, make it work. Make time for dates, calls, video calls…anything that can make you feel closer. There are lots of ideas to keep your LDR fun. Browse the internet or make your own. Each couple is different.

I’m sure there are a million advice for everyone that decides to embark on the adventure that is a LDR. It wouldn’t be an adventure if we knew everything that was going to happen along the way. We have to enjoy the ride while we arrive at our destination. With that said, the last thing to do is to remind you (and myself):The paths less travel by are for the bold so Don’t Quit. Live, Love, Plan your future together. You want your LDR to be a real love story and not some fairy tale  written in social apps. Just don’t forget to leave some notes along your road.

 

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To read more about Pre-LDR Advice and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

 

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by Gibran Cruz

Versatile Blogger Award

Versatile Award

I could finally sit and take some time to Thank my fellow LDRBN blogger Kaye for nominating me for The Versatile Blogger Award. I was very excited to be nominated and if you haven’t checked out her blog… what are you waiting for?

If you are nominated, you’ve been awarded the Versatile Blogger award. The rules are simple:

  •  Thank the person who gave you this award. That’s common courtesy.
  •  Include a link to their blog. That’s also common courtesy — if you can figure out how to do it.
  •  Next, select 15 blogs/bloggers that you’ve recently discovered or follow regularly.
  •  Nominate those 15 bloggers for the Versatile Blogger Award — you might include a link to this site.
  •  Finally, tell the person who nominated you 7 things about yourself.

First…

VB about me.

My nominees are… (in no particular order)

  1. A Google 365 Days
  2. Simply – Defined Me
  3. 1548 miles of love
  4. Sparks and Sounds
  5. Leffe Loves Destrua
  6. The Eleven Eleven Diaries
  7. The Owl Timers
  8. 3627 englishspringerspaniels
  9. Sugar and Sunshine
  10. hey delia!
  11. Dating Through The Distance
  12. Extra Postage Needed
  13. Davy & Janey
  14. Voice of a Broken Heart
  15. Loving From A Distance

I have to say that not all my picks are from WP. I included some nice and interesting blogs from other parts of the blogosphere. If you have been nominated before… Congrats! More people think you have a cool blog.

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by Gibran Cruz

My Monthly 3: March Goals

MM3MarchThis month I’m praying for the luck of the Irish so I can accomplish my goals. Each month our friends at LDRBN ask us to share 3 goals. I’m proud to say that I accomplished 2 of my February goals:

  • Save 1/4 of the money I need for my passport
  • Write about a specific topic

Two out of three ain’t bad huh? This month My Monthly 3 are:

  1. Go on a hunt for a new school: I have to decide if it would be wise to transfer my son to another school.
  2. Finish the book I’m reading: I abandoned the second of a series of 6 books. What’s wrong with me?
  3. Bake: I need to raise some money if I want to transfer my son to another school and there is no better way to do it than to bake or make some desserts.

Last but not least…Relationship Goal:

  • Learn and Practice Arabic: I only know some basic things and terms of endearment and Ahmad asked me to learn to read it (he will teach me). I’m going to learn a thing or two on my own and practice before we start.

Maybe this month I will find my Lucky Charm…

 

 

by Gibran Cruz

LDR Advice: Listen Carefully and Choose Wisely

When it comes to Long Distance Relationships (and everything else in life) everyone has some advice to give. Some of it will even come from people who hasn’t been in a LDR before. We do understand that they do it out of the goodness of their hearts but that doesn’t mean you have to follow through with it. For that reason we should listen and pay attention to what friends or family have to say but we have to choose wisely in terms of what we think it’s the best for us and our relationship.

When I started my relationship, one of the best advice I received was from my best friend at the moment. The funny thing is that he gave it to me to actually discourage me of pursuing a relationship with my now boyfriend. His words still echo inside my mind: The heart doesn’t know about distance. He said the words in order for me to give up, because once I fell in love, we would want to fight for it because after all it wasn’t impossible; there are planes and ways to make it work. With that said, you thought I was going to give up? He just said it was possible! Turns out his reasons were very personal and he was just trying to save me from heartache but his words gave me the push I needed to jump on board the LDR Express.

Because we know that sharing our sadness or talking about what makes us feel down actually makes us feel better, that is the time when we get the most advice from our best friends, close friends and even relatives (everyone you share with will give you the magic solution according to them). That’s exactly when my friend Sean gave me the best advice of all: do something to get the fucking guy. Short like a greeting card but as powerful as a nuclear blast.

LDRadviceSean His words were and still are the reason why even at my lowest I keep going forward. I do want to get the guy. Every day I work hard on keeping my relationship because I have to do something to get the guy.

In the end, everyone will have something to say. It is our right to choose what we think it’s best for us because we are the ones living with the choices we make day after day. Remember to listen carefully and choose wisely.

 

 

 

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To read more about LDR Advice and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

 

 

by Gibran Cruz

Share The Love

LovLetterHamzehI’ve always said that Love requires action. What about when it comes in the form or written words? Love is meant to be expressed. My super friend Hamzeh reminded me of that yesterday when he sent me the loveliest letter.

Details are important in any kind of relationship, doesn’t matter if it’s a  romantic one, friendship, family… we all need love. Even a detail like writing you a letter can brighten your life a little bit and remind you that not all hope is lost. That Love is there waiting not only to be shared but accepted in any form possible. That we all deserve to feel it in some way.

Words take a new meaning not because they were written in a piece of paper, but because you know that person took his time, effort and dedication and for a moment it was all directed at you, it was meant for you. Those words in paper are the sole witnesses of the action taken for you. This are the details you cherish.

Next time someone hands you some of his/her words in a piece of paper or you are about to write down some of your own… go ahead, share the Love.

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by Gibran Cruz

1 + 1 = Us

AnonQuestion Recently someone on Tumblr asked me how I met my bf. Anon was right, I never did say how Ahmad and I met and I promised I would make a post about it.

I met Ahmad on IMO. I downloaded that app back in 2013 to use as a messenger and be able to talk to my best friend (he was the one who suggested the app). What I didn’t know was that back then IMO was more than a messenger, it had a social feature called broadcasts where you could post, follow and meet people. I fell in love with the social part instantly. I met a lot of cool people there, including Ahmad.

I saw his profile and I knew I had to message him right away. Why? Because I hated his profile. The “About me” section of the profile started with I am.. and you just wrote about yourself. His profile said one word: Simple. I remember reading it and saying “simple? no one is simple! people are complicated as hell”so I had to say it to him. I wrote him a message that day explaining why I didn’t agree with his “about me”section. To my surprise, he replied! And he was so cool about it. After that we started messaging whenever we had a chance.Then we exchanged phone numbers and we texted every day. We have a 6 hour time difference so sometimes it meant that one of us would stay awake texting almost all night. We became pretty good friends and I could see we really enjoyed talking to each other about everything. Soon it felt more like “I have to talk to him” rather than I want to. I have to mention that all this time I didn’t believe people could really, really fall in love with someone at the other side of the world. It was something I read about it but didn’t think too much about it.

Fast forward to November 23, 2013. In the middle of a conversation Ahmad says to me “I Love You” my reply? “I Love You Too”. I couldn’t even believe my words at the time so I tried not to pay attention to them. Did I really said that? Am I one of those people they talk about in the internet? Is that even humanly possible? Nah! he has to be joking. Few days after that in another conversation he called me his girlfriend. I laughed, he had to be joking. “Since when?” I asked in that tone that clearly implied I was trying to be amusing. “Since I said I loved you and you said you loved me back”. Turned out he remembered the exact date: November 23, 2013.

I had to admit I was impressed. Clearly I had been tricked. How else could I fall in love with the cute guy at the other side of the world? But I was happy. I felt happy. He was (and still is) the most amazing man I have ever met. I didn’t fall in love, it was more like he took my hand and led me to it. The rest is the story we are still writing together…

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by Gibran Cruz

She Has The Most Colorful Mind

If you ask me if I blog, I would answer that I have a blog. If you ask me if I am a blogger, my answer would probably be something like I don’t think so. I started writing when I was 3 years old and I haven’t stopped ever since. I needed a way to let out everything I had in my mind before my mind exploded in a million words that I had no idea how to express. I had to write everything because that is the way I learn. I still have notebooks filled with hundreds of quotes from songs, movies, people…things my mind thought were worthy of keeping like a treasure.

I didn’t changed my notebooks and pens for a blog. I didn’t even knew what a blog was until Ahmad asked me to open a Tumblr account so I could see the pictures he took. After I did it was like a light bulb suddenly turned on. What if I could store all the things that came to mind in a blog instead of having to keep a million pieces of papers without misplacing them? (something I always managed to do, misplaced all of them). I started with a thing or two. My blog became like my own private digital notebook. I was the happiest woman alive. Blogging became my outlet. I didn’t need followers, I didn’t need people to read or like or re-blog… I just needed to say what was on my mind, what I felt and couldn’t say in words for someone else to hear.

How did all that changed? My LDR became too difficult for me to manage. Writing long letter like messages to Ahmad wasn’t enough. Answering every question I got in my social accounts about relationships, writing letters filled with romantic things for other people to use on special occasions or making up things for them to say in situations suddenly wasn’t enough.  I was about to explode because I’m not very good at managing my feelings. And then it hit me! I had a blog!

Joining  LDRBN was the best thing that could happen to me. I directed my efforts towards long distance relationships because that was what I needed. I needed to believe that what I was (I am) fighting for is possible.Blogging has helped me manage all the feelings that I kept hidden inside because I couldn’t say them; for some reason I can write about them. It has enable me to reach more people than I did before. The best feeling is when someone tells you that because of something you wrote, they  aren’t afraid anymore to be in a LDR. By writing about something so simple yet complicated like a long distance relationship (MY LDR) not only can people be inspired…It continues to inspire me to fight for what I believe in and the person I believe in. After all, it’s all about him (and my time bomb kind of mind).

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To read more about Blogging and see the writing prompt that inspired this post, head to the LDRBN site. If you are in a LDR and want to be part of the experience, APPLY HERE. Don’t forget to mention my name  Gibran.

 

 

 

by Gibran Cruz

Relationship Appreciation Journal

relationshipchall2216       Our friends at LDRBN came up with this super cool February Relationship Challenge: a Relationship Appreciation Journal. We are supposed to keep a journal for a total of 30 days where we can write about all of the things we appreciate about our love, relationship or partner.

Their purpose for doing such a challenge as stated for us bloggers in their website:

This would make an amazing keepsake on the history of your LDR. It’s something you and your partner can look back on years from now when you’re finally together!

It’s also a great idea to do every so often to see how much your love has grown and changed months later. You can compare your written entries and see the growth and love.

Also doubles as a gift that you can send to your partner, that they can look at whenever they feel down or are missing you a lot!

I’m really excited to take part in this challenge in part because of the reasons they stated but another reason for me to participate is because Ahmad (my bf) asked me at the beginning of this year to keep a journal. Writing has always helped me to manage my feelings and now it is helping him too with his time in army.

We are already exchanging images of what we write so the  other can see and I’m hoping to talk more about it at the end of the challenge (hopefully he will get time free by the end of it). I took time to decorate it to make it feel more “mine”.  Here’s the final product:

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