Giving up it’s easy. Staying after a fight to try and fix what’s wrong… that’s the real test. It seems that I always find the best words when I’m at the verge of letting my anger get the best of me. Love letters are relationship savers after all… don’t forget to let the love flow out in words.
The next series of posts are titled Confessions of a LDR gf for a reason. Their purpose is to say or “confess” what every person in a ldr wished his s/o knew, but we are too afraid to point it out directly to our partners. We don’t want them to feel like they are failing. What we want to do is to remind them (and ourselves in the process) that we can build better, stronger relationships. Yes, thou it’s mostly us on the scene, I can’t leave out of the picture the true fact that there are guys out there fighting for another day to keep their LDR’s alive. Guys we salute you 😉 👍.
To start off I don’t want to demean or discourage anyone’s efforts, or way of handling their relationships. No offense intended on my part, but I do wish to open up and speak in the name of many struggling with the issues I’ll address today.
Nowadays in LDR’s we tend to pour out our hearts in actions, words, efforts and as in many cases we even give away a part of our lives we’ll never get back, and that part is our time so willingly and lovingly invested.
Not that we complain about it, we struggle, adjust and overcome it because of different time zones, circumstances and even cultural differences. Yet something comes to my heart and it troubles me at all times. I for example am a very emotional person, I feel everything I do has to be weighed before set out there for the world to see but that’s just me, I know for a fact each one of us handles this special kind of relationship as a delicate one because not everyone is made to withstand distance, or the type of relationship many will question.
My heartfelt attention is the tremendous weight of efforts made on our part that go unnoticed by our sentimental partners, or as we call them S/O.
- We plan our whole lives around our relationships so we can be available to call, text and video keeping in mind time differences and sometimes even sacrificing our social lives while theirs remain intact.
- Our endless tries as in posting, writing, idealizing, recreating and as I mentioned before giving so much life to our relationships that we end up drained in the midst of it all and without motivation as well, because of their lack of empathy, and contribution towards us.
- We get inspired with a song, a thought, a feeling, and we wish to share that with our beloved but many times we barely get a response or any reaction from their part.
Instead of getting our S/O attention, we end up showered and encouraged by others who know us well, and even dare to try out as suitors for our hearts. But do we give in to those suitors? Of course not!! We’re only into the object of our affection. If not, we’d be seeking the attention offered when others seem to know what we like, what we don’t, when something goes wrong and can tune in to our emotions.
Not many understand our devotion surpasses all of these things. In fact we have our ups and downs as those in a normal standard relationship, except we guard it with a not so invisible shield of undivided attention. We continue to hope our feelings are felt, understood, delivered and reciprocated.
We can even compare it to an app used on a daily basis: we go to it, we text, we send, all in hopes it will be seen and replied to. Still seconds become hours in our hearts and when not understood we become wounded, and in some cases we hold our feelings back in avoidance of “confrontation mode” as I call it.
Our hearts are visited as a place of invisible encounters and rare meetings. Because we then begin to build a force field that repels any advances intending to break it down…but reality is we’re only trying to salvage any remains left of our soul’s feelings.
To read more about long distance relationships don’t forget to follow Dua e Maryam at Voice of a Broken Heart
A secret is something we don’t want others to know. Something we decided it was best to be kept hidden. Sometimes that something is our relationship. Those who decide to keep their relationship a secret will give you a hundred reasons why they have to. Fears, family, religion, culture… they all play a role in that decision.
I am one of those persons. I kept certain details of my LDR secret for some time because of a few reasons. I was (still am) afraid of people judging on my kind of relationship. My bf had his reasons too so we decided it was for the best…even when there are times I wish it was just like a normal one.
Last week. I keep a picture of my bf on a shelf in my cubicle at work (the why is a story for another day). I was working on a case and this old couple looks at the picture and one of them says “it’s so nice that you have a picture of your husband here, he is very handsome”. Before I could say he wasn’t my husband, a coworker adds “she is very in love with her husband”. After the couple left my coworker walks to my desk, looks at the picture and says “remember when I asked and you told me he was your adopted son? I always thought he looked too old to be adopted”. We both laughed and I told her I was sorry, but people wouldn’t understand.
That’s when I remembered that a few months ago I went to Macy’s with my mom and like she always does, we stopped at one of the perfume counters. She saw the Dubai edition of one of the perfumes and joked about how that perfume was “arab like your bf”. Of course that caught the attention of the saleswoman who couldn’t help asking about it.
A few months ago. The saleswoman walked over to us smiling but I could notice how her face was changing during the conversation. What follows is what I remember about the conversation at Macy’s between all 3 of us because my mom is less worried about people judging and keeping secrets:
Now? Every time something like this happens I lose a little bit of confidence. While there are times I tell myself that I would like to be able to tell everyone…there are still things that scare me (and my bf). We still struggle with those fears, family, friends, differences in culture… But when it is wise and safe to risk it? Is it worth it? Would we regret it? While it is true that we should always be proud of the person we are with, and we are, we are still afraid of the backlash we might receive.
Not everyone is meant to be great and go on adventures. Some people are only allowed to dream their wholes lives and maybe I’m one of those people who are not meant to wake up. Life is full of opportunities but they are not for me, maybe I’m supposed to help others to see where those opportunities are and grab them. Giving is in my nature. I do not love thinking in what I can get in return, but I do love expecting to build beautiful things that will last forever.
People like me, we want to be the architect of someone else’s life, someone else’s dream. Not because I think they need me to design a life for them, but because I think they deserve the best they can get out of life. The life I feel I will never have.
People like me think everyone we love is made of stardust and we see how they can be a shooting star… so we build them up and make them shine knowing we are allowed only to wish upon that star as we see them light up the sky if only for a second before they are gone from our lives.
I’ve never felt I have a place where I belong. I don’t even think this world is made for people like me…but we sure try to make it perfect for someone else when we love them as much as I love.
He loves me. He loves me not. Those were the words we used to say while plucking the petals out of a flower hoping that the last one would mean that he/she loved us. If they didn’t all we had to do was take another flower and start all over again. Having a crush or “falling in love” was so simple when we were kids.
We are not kids anymore. Having a crush or falling in love means we “put ourselves out there”. We take a chance, were risk it all by letting our feelings flow… But what happens when that love is not corresponded?
A bit of insight on a delicate topic called one-sided love:
We’ve all been there once or twice in our lives, and the best way to describe the feeling about this particular kind of love is that we all wish they’d love us back the same way. But it doesn’t go that way. We struggle, fight, stress inmensely, we hurt, get angry, jealous, hopeless and needless to say suffer in silence over that special person. We go thru leaps of faith, post, write things that they’ll never read, that they’ll never know, yet our feelings never whither for them.
One thing about one-sided love is that you endure the most purest of all loves, because face it if you really love them their happiness is yours as well. Even when we have to face the facts that they’re bound to not end up with you on our side of that sweet love story.
Still we can’t give up on the object of our affection so easily:
It sounds difficult to process but they’re oblivious and clueless to our devotion and that makes our mission an even more impossible one to complete because we dream they’ll wake up to love us and see stars over us as we do over them.
Bearing our hearts has never been an easy task but our neverending tries go further and beyond words or actions. Our hearts speak so desperately for us as the tears we shed over the simple thought of them.
What can we possibly do?
Actually not much, it’s like a crush when our S/O is totally off course from our heart’s desire, yet there’s love anchored in it for them. They’re either blind or in some cases already know but choose to ignore leaving some of us in constant pain because you’ve either become ignored or friendzoned.
Being friendzoned is one of the most painful phases we all endure. You’re always available to their needs, be it a shoulder, or anthing they wish you to be, you’re always their shelter, their refuge, but once their need of you is over it’s back to square one…only you are in your hearts company.
In the end, love is all about the choices we make and the chances we take. A famous writer said “To love is great. To be loved is wonderful. But to be loved by the person we love is heaven on earth” – Paulo Coelho.
Writen by: Gibran Cruz & Dua E Maryam
If you ask people this question, everyone will give you a different answer based on their perception and experiences. Love is a very strong emotion and if you asked me… You would get a mixed answer explaining how good it feels, how wonderdul it is and how it makes you weak until it kills you. When it comes to love, I have only one setting and it’s called extreme.
It didn’t surprised me that when I saw the tv series Legion I fell in love (haha) with one character’s definition of love. Hearing it and actually watching the description complete with a scene from the documentary Planet Earth made that my favorite part of the show.
I made a post on my other blog simply because I wanted to share that part of the dialog. Of course, not everyone will agree… But it’s a funny and weird way to look at things….
Birthdays are special occasions. When you are in a LDR it can be hard to cebrate it the way you wish. Today it’s Ahmad’s birthday and I hope my words reach where I can’t be so I wrote him a little note that I would like to share here.
My only hope is that we get to celebrate many more birthdays together in the future.