The Idea Of Love
App Review: UNVEIL
One of my favorite Instagram accounts is Unveil (if you haven’t checked them out yet, what are you waiting for? Click the link!). Every picture they post asks you a different question that makes you think about life,the future, relationships etc…designed to spark a conversation.
A few weeks ago I saw a post about their new dating app called Unveil. You see, Unveil is not your usual dating app where you go through profiles waiting for pictures to catch your eye. You have to interact with people using voice messages (little conversations) to get to know people and reveal their picture.
It works like this:
- You sign up using your email
- You fill out a very simple profile (people will see your name, age and where you are from)
- Select the gender of people you want to meet (male/female)
- Upload a picture. You can adjust the picture by moving it or pinching on it. Your image will be visible to you while you edit but once you finish, they will see a blurry image like my picture below
- Record a message saying a little bit of yourself
- Start meeting people! You will see profiles like this one:
- After interacting with some people your inbox will look better than mine (hopefully) and their pictures will start to clear up (see pictures below)
Unveil is very simple to use. It provides a new way to interact and meet people. It gives you the opportunity to “click” with someone on a whole new level by hearing their voice and giving you the chance to connect with them based on personality. The exchange of voice messages will allow you to see the person’s profile picture (and for them to see yours).
I had fun using Unveil and would recommend it to everyone that wants to try a different kind of dating app. Just talk and have some fun! To download Unveil you can visit their website Here.
Notes:
- Logo picture is property of the Unveil team. All other pictures are screenshots (personal phone).
- The opinions on this post are based on my personal use of the app and do not represent the opinion of the Unveil team.
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Thoughts of a LDR gf: Military Edition
A year ago on this very month I was dreading the inevitable: my bf had to join the military and was leaving in October (2015). The weeks leading to that event weren’t easy for me. I wondered each and every night what my reaction would be when he left. I knew I was going to cry even when I told myself (and him) that it was ok, it was just days.
It wasn’t ok. The day he left we spent the afternoon talking, laughing and trying to convince the other that we weren’t nervous. We failed. I couldn’t stop crying. In fact, I cried for days after he left. I texted him every single night knowing that his phone was off hidden somewhere in his room. I had faith that one of those nights those messages would be marked read.
It wasn’t just days. That first time, I had to wait for weeks. Praying and wishing for him to be safe, in a good place and just waiting for my messages to be marked read. I felt down for weeks and had to get used to the fact that he wasn’t going to be there all the time. He even programmed one of those services that send you an email every day just so he could say that he loved me.
Never underestimate the power of a double check mark in an app. Yeah, I cried the day those messages were marked read right when I was texting. Best feeling ever after so many days.
Time is the best healer. October 2016 will mark a year. Every time he leaves again after “holiday” has gotten a little bit easier. We can text or talk sometimes. I don’t cry anymore. I miss him every single time and I still pray for him to be in good places, with good people, SAFE.
Most of all I think I pray for the day he finishes… my countdown app says that day is Soon. I bet he doesn’t even remember that I still get an email every day at 5:30 am. 😉
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What He Said…
A few weeks ago I got a question on Tumblr. It made me think a lot and it took me like 2 days to answer it. Part of it because I was sure that the person knew about my long distance relationship. The other part was that I was asking myself those questions before I gave an answer. I wanted to be fair to the person (and to myself) and give an honest reply.
The next day I was sure I knew who that person was… the last question gave him away. Now it was time to finally answer after learning the shocking truth: When i said the person was right about it being less me.. It’s because in a way I did lost my inspiration and my purpose. He was right.
I didn’t think I was falling out of love. I was (I’m) sure of what i feel. But I guess sometimes we do lose our inspiration and our purpose and then we struggle to get it back. Sometimes it takes someone else to tell you.Someone else to say that you no longer write love letters. That you stopped showing everyone what you feel. That you don’t have those special details for that other person anymore.
You know what they say… People outside can see the smoke before the ones that are burning can feel the fire.
And finally when you do realize everything.. You wonder what happened and how to get back on track. You think about the reasons you started writing in the first place… In my case it was because I felt my mind was going to explode in a million words. Then it became a way to handle my LDR.
Fast forward a few weeks later and I’m still trying to get back on track. Still trying to figure out how to stop writing love letters in my mind.. and the reason.. the reason is YOU.
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Stay
I know how it feels when you are tired. Not of life, but of your life. How it is, how it goes and how you know it will be the next morning, the one after and the one after that. So predictable that it actually hurts. To people that look at us from the outside it seems so easy to tell us detailed instructions on how to change our lives. It isn’t so easy to us, the ones actually living the life they say is so easy to change. Is not like we don’t try, is more like we have spent our whole life trying that it becomes a race without a finish line… There’s no way to win or to get to that finish line so we can finally look at our lives and say “we are here, we made it, this is what i wanted”.
I know how it feels when you want to disconnect yourself from the rest of the world and be yours for a few hours or a few days. Do your things, or maybe not doing anything at all. Those are the days I want to close all my social accounts and be mine for a few days. Watch some movies, read some books. Every time that happens it becomes a little harder to go back to share yourself with everyone else. We do because it is expected. We are adults. Maybe because there are people that misses us, or maybe there is someone we always miss.
There are times I’m scared that I would never find the right words to make you stay when all that you want is be away for a while. Though sometimes late.. I know I have to say it… Stay. Stay because you are missed. Stay because you are loved. Stay because life goes on and it takes us more time to change.. But sometimes what we are doing is changing the life of someone else. Whatever you do… Know that there are people, like me, who want to tell you that we understand…That we can’t live without you… So please Stay.
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The Love Letter
I think the first thing I wrote was a love letter. I used to do it a lot for friends who needed someone to fall in love with them, while all I wanted was to fall in love with words. I was the one with the romantic ideas for Valentine’s Day and they always seemed to work.
I didn’t write a love letter in quite some time… I guess people doesn’t really need them anymore. I do write the equivalent, some pretty long text messages filled with all kinds of romantic things that Ahmad loves to read (at least someone does). So it was expected that when a fellow blogger did a special in the month of February about love letters I would want to jump in (HERE is the link to her post).
I never shared that letter and after reading it over and over again.. I thought it was time to do so.
Until next time…
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It’s All In The Details.
Details are important in a relationship. It can be the difference between having a healthy, lasting relationship or getting a ticket to Splitville. Every relationship is different but there are certain things (in my opinion) that can shorten the longest distances.
1. Pet Names: Having a special name for your significant other can be a sweet and unique way to communicate between the 2 of you.
2. Apps, Social Sites, Messages : There are lots of ways to shorten distance. Having an app for you 2 makes it special. Having the same apps to jump between them when one isn’t working is useful. Text and/or call each other daily. That little detail tells the other person you are thinking about them. There is nothing sweeter than waking up/falling asleep to a loving message or better yet, falling asleep together while on video call. If you follow or check each other out (is not stalking if the other one knows, maybe) on social sites be sure to check once in a while, let them know you care. it can be a fun way to leave each other messages that only the 2 of you will know even if they are public. You can use a code word or any other thing to identify your messages. It should be ok to like or comment, lets them know you care and pay attention. Make it funny or neutral if you have to keep it a secret (your relationship shouldn’t be a secret but, oh well); that sends the message “I care about your things”.
3. Talking, Listening & Understanding: Always talk about the way you feel. Listen to each other’s points of view, try to understand. Don’t let arguments or discomforts sit for more than a day. If you don’t think you can do that, think about getting out of the relationship.
4. Dates & Dates: Try to remember special dates or occasions like anniversaries or the months you’ve been together. Try to schedule “special dates” to call each other, play that silly game, watch a movie or do something you enjoy together (yes that includes sex). Those details tell your loved ones how much you care.
5. The Classics: Classics never fail. I Love You or I Miss You are always special when said from the heart. Be there for each other in time of need. Share details with each other but most importantly, find new ways of letting the other know how much he/she is loved…those are the details of LOVE.
“Being away from each other doesn’t mean there has to be distance in the heart”
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Why I Light It Up Blue (for Autism)
As many people know, April 2 is the World Autism Awareness Day. It was established in 2007 and it encourages Member States of the UN to raise awareness of the condition.
Though it is believed that the concept of Light It Up Blue was created by the Canadian Autism Society, there is one organization that promotes the event every year in the U.S.
This year, like every other year before (my son was Dx on 2008) I try hard to raise awareness by wearing blue, handing out information about the condition, sharing on social media and even getting my blue light bulb. The picture here shows the actual light bulb (party light) I bought from a hardware store. It’s not the one sold with the logo of the organization, is a simple party light that comes in a white package sold in any hardware store. The only difference was that this year, I received a message on my Tumblr account asking me not to participate because the organization that promotes the event was “bad”and not really compromised with helping the families of those with autism. It prompted me to search the internet using the term “bad”along with the name of the organization. I have to say that I did. I have to say that there are countless people who do not support the organization because of how they spend the money – research on how to cure autism instead of accepting it, overpaying board members, using little of the funds to help families and those with the condition- to name a few.
After reading (and replying to the message) I had to ask myself why I decided to LIUB on World Autism Awareness Day. Was it to promote an event? To support an organization? the answer was simple… I don’t support organizations, I support my son.
It has been a long journey for us. Before your son gets a diagnose, the road is hard. Getting a diagnose is like re fueling your tank to keep on going. I’ve been on this road long enough to say that it is my duty as a parent to raise awareness and educate those around me so my son and many other children don’t have to go through the pain of people staring, talking, and asking why is he/she is like that? So the parents (like me) don’t have to wrestle a school system plagued with incompetence, full of unqualified teachers that doesn’t want to help children (not all of them are like this but believe me, you will get more than a few).
In the years that I’ve been on this road (my son is 14 now) I had to learn how to be a psychologist, nurse, occupational therapist, advocate, but above all… a mother of a special kid. It is my job as a mother to give my son the tools he needs for a brighter future. A future I’m sure no organization will give him, but I will. That includes the decision of giving him a better education in a school that I can’t even afford.
Will I light it up blue next year? Yes I will. Not because of any organization but because we have to raise awareness so our children can have a better, more inclusive environment. Not for a cure, but for better opportunities in a future. Not because someone asks us to do it, but because we choose to participate in their idea for our cause, for our journey.
Resources: https://en.wikipedia.org
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Guest Post by Sean Mars: Commitment in a LDR
I was talking to “Pamela” for almost 2 years. Finally, at a beer garden overlooking the Allegheny river I finally had the chance to meet her. After the first pint I had an idea that we had differences of opinions. She exceeded all of my expectations; I felt a wave of disenchantment and disappointment coming from her. By the third pint it was clear that I expected too much and came all that way for nothing. For a moment I regretted putting myself out there. I went to bed that evening rather depressed, wondering what was wrong with me. 1000 things could’ve been wrong with me that she did not agree with, looking back. I was happy for the chance to have finally met her versus having her as a possibility that I would maybe someday, one day, get enough strength to meet in person.
A few months later she told me that she had no romantic interest in me and wished to be friends. I agreed, knowing then that now it meant a distant acquaintance.
When people talk about long-distance relationship that started on the Internet(ie. Internet LDR), it usually involves deep thought-provoking conversation, instant messaging throughout the day and the occasional cyber sexual encounter. While many people talk about meeting each other, such an occurrence might happen or not. Both parties earnestly want to see each other in real life. Stories like the one I told above doesn’t help that.
People get afraid.
Finding an Internet LDR partner can be such a gift. You can see people, they can see you, and you have a wide variety of mediums to make your relationship work. But there comes a time where we have to come out from behind our respective screens and hold the hand of the person who was touching another keyboard in another room, far away.
To do that takes a different type of commitment than to figure out time zones for possible date nights. It is the desire to be engaged, though the prospect of success might be poor. Think about it, meeting an Internet LDR partner in real life for the first time is like meeting a possible partner in real life. It doesn’t matter if you’re on a blind date, connected through a message board or dating profile. Distance becomes irrelevant. All that matters is time. For someone who is local that real life meeting commitment happens in days or weeks. An Internet LDR could be months and years.
Sooner or later one partner would want to meet the other, willing to travel great distances to seek out the possibility of a real-life relationship. The other partner might be not want to meet for a variety of reasons. Those reasons have to be dealt with.
If the point of an Internet LDR is to meet, marry and live happily ever after, then the there has to be an overall commitment to make it work. Meeting in person is just the opening of this larger cluster that is a committed relationship. It’s not about promising to meet and never following through. It’s about having this virtual relationship with the understanding that it’s temporary and will be superseded by a real-life one.
Yet people think that an engagement ring, gifts and elaborate virtual encounters make a relationship. But what are they really? Is it someone who will never hesitate to tell you that they love you? Someone who willing to stand by your side in all encounters? What about that person who’s willing to travel to ends the earth, literally? A $2000 engagement ring delivered via special courier pales next to your former virtual lover placing a $150 ring on your finger. One is a financial commitment, the other one is a commitment of many resources. The former looks great to your Facebook friends, the latter appeals to your emotional and intellectual needs. The problem with gifts is they are material and somewhat ephemeral. You wear the ring, but the ring is a symbol of commitment. If after a period of time no action has taken place, the two of you are still apart, that symbol would look like an indictment of idleness.
Yes, again, it’s possible that nothing could come from taking a chance with this person. They might go ghost on you in the last possible moment. You find out they are really catfishing, not who they claim to represent. Finally, they could reject you for a variety of reasons. But what is the alternative? While there are some merits for having an Internet relationship that is not the goal for most people. When exchanges of love happens, intimate conversations ensue, people start thinking of each other all the time, each person want to know are they going to share their lives with this other person physically in a meaningful timeframe.
If you been afraid in meeting your Internet LDR it’s time to show some bravery. Pick a date that the both of you can agree that you will get together and make arrangements. If you and your partner live on the other side of the world and the both of you are financially capable why not meet in the middle? For example, one person lives in Calgary, the other lives in Johannesburg. Why not try to meet in Paris or Madrid? It doesn’t have to be fancy(a three-star hotel in Madrid gives a unique cultural flavor missing from better hotels) or particularly long (5 days should do it), but it should happen.
When you meet and hug each other it will feel like the beginning of something new. Hopefully that feeling to be with you forever, long after details fade away in memory.
About the author: Sean Mars, writer of A Google 365 Days blog is currently not in an Internet LDR. He lives in Detroit, Michigan.
My So-Called Life 